Mizutsu Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 What's Muse's favorite card game? Uno. :facepalm: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calliope. Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 What's Muse's favorite card game? Uno. :facepalm: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pwoper_muse_lover Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 How can you tell when Matt Bellamy is excited? Look for the uprising perverted joke fail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz0_o Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 why arnt muse jokes funny? because no one is feeling good after. LAME. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pwoper_muse_lover Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 why arnt muse jokes funny? because no one is feeling good after. LAME. Haha that's funny because barely any of these jokes are actually funny and this was told through a bad joke!! No offence... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz0_o Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 why did mike bellamy go to coachella? to see tomm yorke. ill stop now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monmouth13 Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Bear with me on this one.... Matt decides to take a drive to visit the Jorvik Viking Centre. On the way he stops for petrol. He walks into the garage shop to pay and, spying the assistant's name badge, says (slowly, so he can understand) "Hi Edd, pump number 3 please mate". "Hey, aren't you Matt Bellamy off of MUSE?" comments Edd. "Er.. yeah" replies Matt. "What brings you all the way up here?" "I'm visiting the Jorvic Centre in York." "D'ya need directions to get there, Matt?" "No thanks" says Matt, "I don't need another map of York, Edd" I did a literal:facepalm:...mostly because i and what did the pornstar get after starring in the movie? a super massive blackhole Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notyounaanbread Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 what's a chav's favourite muse album? ASBO-lution I would of enjoyed that more if only you'd spelt charv right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz0_o Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 during muse's opening stint for U2 they weren't allowed to play with any one else they called it being bonogamous its more of a U2 joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz0_o Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Haha that's funny because barely any of these jokes are actually funny and this was told through a bad joke!! No offence... i never thought of it that way thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alliana0x Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 why arnt muse jokes funny? because no one is feeling good after. LAME. This actually made me lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz0_o Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 what do you call a dead chicken covered in beans? matts dinner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Screenaged Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 It's totally lame that I spent up time thinking of these. Did you hear Matt Bellamy is starting to write comedy songs? His first single out is "Punintended." Matt Bellamy one day decided he wanted a dog, because his neighbour's had been pooping on his lawn, and he wanted to get revenge. He drove around all the shelters in the city, but didn't find any dog that was really working for him. At the last shelter in the last city, he asked the clerk if there were any more at all that he could see, because he was desperate. "I don't know, we have a few more but they're really ugly and very very sick. We shouldn't even have them at the shelter, they're so sick." Matt decides to check it out, and sure enough the dogs are very ugly and are foaming at the mouth. He says, "I'll take them!" The clerk says, "Are you sure? They're very very sick...and not that pretty either." Matt thinks about it a moment and says, "I dunno...will these pugs with rabies poop right by my enemies?" Matt Bellamy is a bartender famous for his lime drinks. They're insanely popular and several large parties come into his bar and order them. Many customers are still ordering them, but Matt is getting short on ingredients. One customer shouts out, "Hey, what's taking so long?" Frustrated, Matt yells, "OUR LIME IS RUNNING OUT!" What do you call prostitutes with Matt Bellamy as their pimp? Hobiz. Oh dear. :facepalm: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatlesmaniac98 Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 what's a chav's favourite muse album? ASBO-lution i dont get it..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melania13 Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 It's totally lame that I spent up time thinking of these. Did you hear Matt Bellamy is starting to write comedy songs? His first single out is "Punintended." Matt Bellamy one day decided he wanted a dog, because his neighbour's had been pooping on his lawn, and he wanted to get revenge. He drove around all the shelters in the city, but didn't find any dog that was really working for him. At the last shelter in the last city, he asked the clerk if there were any more at all that he could see, because he was desperate. "I don't know, we have a few more but they're really ugly and very very sick. We shouldn't even have them at the shelter, they're so sick." Matt decides to check it out, and sure enough the dogs are very ugly and are foaming at the mouth. He says, "I'll take them!" The clerk says, "Are you sure? They're very very sick...and not that pretty either." Matt thinks about it a moment and says, "I dunno...will these pugs with rabies poop right by my enemies?" Matt Bellamy is a bartender famous for his lime drinks. They're insanely popular and several large parties come into his bar and order them. Many customers are still ordering them, but Matt is getting short on ingredients. One customer shouts out, "Hey, what's taking so long?" Frustrated, Matt yells, "OUR LIME IS RUNNING OUT!" What do you call prostitutes with Matt Bellamy as their pimp? Hobiz. Oh dear. :facepalm: you are amazing heh lime... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kashelle357 Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 It's totally lame that I spent up time thinking of these. Did you hear Matt Bellamy is starting to write comedy songs? His first single out is "Punintended." Matt Bellamy one day decided he wanted a dog, because his neighbour's had been pooping on his lawn, and he wanted to get revenge. He drove around all the shelters in the city, but didn't find any dog that was really working for him. At the last shelter in the last city, he asked the clerk if there were any more at all that he could see, because he was desperate. "I don't know, we have a few more but they're really ugly and very very sick. We shouldn't even have them at the shelter, they're so sick." Matt decides to check it out, and sure enough the dogs are very ugly and are foaming at the mouth. He says, "I'll take them!" The clerk says, "Are you sure? They're very very sick...and not that pretty either." Matt thinks about it a moment and says, "I dunno...will these pugs with rabies poop right by my enemies?" Matt Bellamy is a bartender famous for his lime drinks. They're insanely popular and several large parties come into his bar and order them. Many customers are still ordering them, but Matt is getting short on ingredients. One customer shouts out, "Hey, what's taking so long?" Frustrated, Matt yells, "OUR LIME IS RUNNING OUT!" What do you call prostitutes with Matt Bellamy as their pimp? Hobiz. Oh dear. :facepalm: Bear with me on this one.... Matt decides to take a drive to visit the Jorvik Viking Centre. On the way he stops for petrol. He walks into the garage shop to pay and, spying the assistant's name badge, says (slowly, so he can understand) "Hi Edd, pump number 3 please mate". "Hey, aren't you Matt Bellamy off of MUSE?" comments Edd. "Er.. yeah" replies Matt. "What brings you all the way up here?" "I'm visiting the Jorvic Centre in York." "D'ya need directions to get there, Matt?" "No thanks" says Matt, "I don't need another map of York, Edd" These two made me LOL so hard. :LOL: I love y'all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Screenaged Posted April 29, 2010 Share Posted April 29, 2010 Why shouldn't you let Matt Bellamy be your plumber? Cos you know he'll play in your toilet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimmi Posted April 30, 2010 Share Posted April 30, 2010 Why shouldn't you let Matt Bellamy be your plumber? Cos you know he'll play in your toilet. best one so far... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xbroken_ideals Posted April 30, 2010 Share Posted April 30, 2010 Okay, bear with me, because this one is so stupid. It's the only one I could think of right now. What did Matt Bellamy say to the clerk at GameStop as he was purchasing the newest Pokemon games? "I WANT IT NOW. I WANT IT NOWW, GIVE ME YOUR HEART(gold) AND YOUR SOUL(silver)." :facepalm: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight_lucy Posted April 30, 2010 Share Posted April 30, 2010 Brilliant these have cheered me up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chocolate E. Clare Posted April 30, 2010 Share Posted April 30, 2010 What do you call prostitutes with Matt Bellamy as their pimp? Hobiz. Oh dear. :facepalm: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gigapoodle Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 How did Matt's first pet die? The fat cat had a heart attack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Screenaged Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 How did Matt's first pet die? The fat cat had a heart attack. THAT'S GOOD. What happened when Matt's fat cat had a heart attack? He wouldn't let his parents bury it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. Terious Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 THAT'S GOOD. What happened when Matt's fat cat had a heart attack? He wouldn't let his parents bury it. This is really great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Screenaged Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 So Muse were on the coast for vacation, and there was a huge tropical storm. 100 mph winds and everything, obviously very dangerous. But Matt is sitting by the open window next to the toaster. He toasts a piece of bread, butters it, and then just tosses it out the open window! He does this multiple times and eventually Dom has to ask why. He says, "Matt, why are you throwing your toast out the window? That's just stupid. It just zooms away and disappears anyway cos of all the wind..." And Matt says, "Oh come on Dom. Why are you asking that? Everyone knows that butter flies in hurricanes." ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.