Muse Jokes

[furytwinincoma]

*shoots self in head*

 

*tries to get another bullet in as her lifeless body falls*

 

+1

[BerriMuse17]

Q. What occupation does Matt Bellamy have?

 

A. A MUSE-ician

 

 

Q. Where would you find an exhibition dedicated to Matt Bellamy?

 

A. In a MUSE-eum

 

 

Q. What did Queen Victoria say after hearing Matt Bellamy singing?

 

A. We are not aMUSEd

 

 

Q. What is Matt Bellamy's favourite breakfast dish?

 

A. MUSEli

 

 

Q. Where does Matt Bellamy go on his holidays

 

A. To an aMUSEment park

 

 

 

Did u hear about the matt bellamy pokemon cheat?

it gives u a lot of mews

 

 

why does matt bellamy keep a lot of cows

he likes the moos

 

 

What did matt bellamy say to his mom when he saw a toy he wanted in the store

I WANT IT NOOOOW I WANT IT NOOOOW

Hahaha!!! loving this guy/gal!!! although, with the queen vic one, it should be:

Q. What did Queen Victoria say after hearing Matt Bellamy singing?

 

A. We are all aMUSEd, coz now we're all addicted!!!

[Aduuu-]

So Muse were on the coast for vacation, and there was a huge tropical storm. 100 mph winds and everything, obviously very dangerous. But Matt is sitting by the open window next to the toaster. He toasts a piece of bread, butters it, and then just tosses it out the open window! He does this multiple times and eventually Dom has to ask why.

 

He says, "Matt, why are you throwing your toast out the window? That's just stupid. It just zooms away and disappears anyway cos of all the wind..."

 

And Matt says, "Oh come on Dom. Why are you asking that? Everyone knows that butter flies in hurricanes."

...

 

This one's gooood

[museismystarlight]

Ahem. I was just discussing getting creepered on by awkward males at concerts and came up with this one-liner.

 

Is that an uprising in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

 

 

... I wonder how many times that has been said already hahahaha.

[Elise<3sMuse]

Matt Bellamy is a bartender famous for his lime drinks. They're insanely popular and several large parties come into his bar and order them. Many customers are still ordering them, but Matt is getting short on ingredients. One customer shouts out, "Hey, what's taking so long?"

Frustrated, Matt yells, "OUR LIME IS RUNNING OUT!"

So Muse were on the coast for vacation, and there was a huge tropical storm. 100 mph winds and everything, obviously very dangerous. But Matt is sitting by the open window next to the toaster. He toasts a piece of bread, butters it, and then just tosses it out the open window! He does this multiple times and eventually Dom has to ask why.

 

He says, "Matt, why are you throwing your toast out the window? That's just stupid. It just zooms away and disappears anyway cos of all the wind..."

 

And Matt says, "Oh come on Dom. Why are you asking that? Everyone knows that butter flies in hurricanes."

...

 

THESE ARE SUPERB!!

:LOL:

[traceur22]

Sit the fuck down!!!!!!

[Kashelle357]

What's a charv?

[the.unintended]

It's totally lame that I spent up time thinking of these.

 

Did you hear Matt Bellamy is starting to write comedy songs? His first single out is "Punintended."

 

Matt Bellamy one day decided he wanted a dog, because his neighbour's had been pooping on his lawn, and he wanted to get revenge. He drove around all the shelters in the city, but didn't find any dog that was really working for him. At the last shelter in the last city, he asked the clerk if there were any more at all that he could see, because he was desperate.

"I don't know, we have a few more but they're really ugly and very very sick. We shouldn't even have them at the shelter, they're so sick."

Matt decides to check it out, and sure enough the dogs are very ugly and are foaming at the mouth. He says, "I'll take them!"

The clerk says, "Are you sure? They're very very sick...and not that pretty either."

Matt thinks about it a moment and says, "I dunno...will these pugs with rabies poop right by my enemies?"

 

Matt Bellamy is a bartender famous for his lime drinks. They're insanely popular and several large parties come into his bar and order them. Many customers are still ordering them, but Matt is getting short on ingredients. One customer shouts out, "Hey, what's taking so long?"

Frustrated, Matt yells, "OUR LIME IS RUNNING OUT!"

 

 

 

What do you call prostitutes with Matt Bellamy as their pimp?

Hobiz.

 

 

 

Oh dear. :facepalm:

 

Why shouldn't you let Matt Bellamy be your plumber?

Cos you know he'll play in your toilet.

 

So Muse were on the coast for vacation, and there was a huge tropical storm. 100 mph winds and everything, obviously very dangerous. But Matt is sitting by the open window next to the toaster. He toasts a piece of bread, butters it, and then just tosses it out the open window! He does this multiple times and eventually Dom has to ask why.

 

He says, "Matt, why are you throwing your toast out the window? That's just stupid. It just zooms away and disappears anyway cos of all the wind..."

 

And Matt says, "Oh come on Dom. Why are you asking that? Everyone knows that butter flies in hurricanes."

...

 

You're great! These are really clever

[Hat]

There's something wrong with these people, since they considering those funny.

 

No offence meant for the joke-maker.

This.

[JadeLovesMuse]

Bear with me on this one....

 

Matt decides to take a drive to visit the Jorvik Viking Centre. On the way he stops for petrol. He walks into the garage shop to pay and, spying the assistant's name badge, says (slowly, so he can understand) "Hi Edd, pump number 3 please mate".

"Hey, aren't you Matt Bellamy off of MUSE?" comments Edd.

"Er.. yeah" replies Matt.

"What brings you all the way up here?"

"I'm visiting the Jorvic Centre in York."

"D'ya need directions to get there, Matt?"

"No thanks" says Matt, "I don't need another map of York, Edd"

 

So Muse were on the coast for vacation, and there was a huge tropical storm. 100 mph winds and everything, obviously very dangerous. But Matt is sitting by the open window next to the toaster. He toasts a piece of bread, butters it, and then just tosses it out the open window! He does this multiple times and eventually Dom has to ask why.

 

He says, "Matt, why are you throwing your toast out the window? That's just stupid. It just zooms away and disappears anyway cos of all the wind..."

 

And Matt says, "Oh come on Dom. Why are you asking that? Everyone knows that butter flies in hurricanes."

...

 

:awesome:

[MUSEirik]

So Muse were on the coast for vacation, and there was a huge tropical storm. 100 mph winds and everything, obviously very dangerous. But Matt is sitting by the open window next to the toaster. He toasts a piece of bread, butters it, and then just tosses it out the open window! He does this multiple times and eventually Dom has to ask why.

 

He says, "Matt, why are you throwing your toast out the window? That's just stupid. It just zooms away and disappears anyway cos of all the wind..."

 

And Matt says, "Oh come on Dom. Why are you asking that? Everyone knows that butter flies in hurricanes."

...

 

Oh my god This is so stupid it's actually funny

[MuseHolic111]

What did Matt say when Dom was putting a banana into a blender?

"I wont let you murder it!"

 

 

I know it sucks...

[Korni]

srsly?

 

SRSLY?

 

you're all so full of shit.

[Hat]

srsly?

 

SRSLY?

 

you're all so full of shit.

 

Korni <3

[moomGER]

just imagine a *badum tssh* after every joke

[Hat]

just imagine a *badum tssh* after every joke

http://instantrimshot.com/

[Ami34]

The jokes are bad but it makes it strangely funny

[Sir Toire]

The jokes are bad but it makes it strangely funny

 

thats called anti-humor, in case you didnt know

[Sir Toire]

Why is Matthew Bellamy afraid of the other two Muse members?

Because they are wolves! Dominic HOWLard and Chris WOLFstenholme!

 

Yeah, I know, it sucks.

[resistingkidMUSE]

probably aint good because well

 

Q what would happen if everyone wore red suits

A you'd swear matt bellamy took over the universe

 

another one but some people might get mad

 

matt is so small that if he cut you it's micro cuts

[Sir Toire]

Here comes another shit one:

 

Dom walks into a room, sees Matt praying.

Dom: "Hey Matt, I didn't know you were the religious type."

Matt: "I'm not."

Dom: "Then why are you praying?"

Matt: "Oh, I'm only praying that there's no god."

[Elise<3sMuse]

what do you call a dead chicken covered in beans?

 

matts dinner.

 

Love it :LOL:

[drawakangaroo]

One day, Matt was trying out a new pasta recipe. About halfway through, Dom walked in to see Matt looking worried. "What's wrong?" he asked. Matt said, "Our thyme is running out!"

[Cypher.]

It's totally lame that I spent up time thinking of these.

 

Did you hear Matt Bellamy is starting to write comedy songs? His first single out is "Punintended."

 

Matt Bellamy one day decided he wanted a dog, because his neighbour's had been pooping on his lawn, and he wanted to get revenge. He drove around all the shelters in the city, but didn't find any dog that was really working for him. At the last shelter in the last city, he asked the clerk if there were any more at all that he could see, because he was desperate.

"I don't know, we have a few more but they're really ugly and very very sick. We shouldn't even have them at the shelter, they're so sick."

Matt decides to check it out, and sure enough the dogs are very ugly and are foaming at the mouth. He says, "I'll take them!"

The clerk says, "Are you sure? They're very very sick...and not that pretty either."

Matt thinks about it a moment and says, "I dunno...will these pugs with rabies poop right by my enemies?"

 

Matt Bellamy is a bartender famous for his lime drinks. They're insanely popular and several large parties come into his bar and order them. Many customers are still ordering them, but Matt is getting short on ingredients. One customer shouts out, "Hey, what's taking so long?"

Frustrated, Matt yells, "OUR LIME IS RUNNING OUT!"

 

 

 

What do you call prostitutes with Matt Bellamy as their pimp?

Hobiz.

 

 

 

Oh dear. :facepalm:

 

This thread is actually making me laugh so much right now, especially these ones!

[ayla]

One day, Matt was trying out a new pasta recipe. About halfway through, Dom walked in to see Matt looking worried. "What's wrong?" he asked. Matt said, "Our thyme is running out!"

That one is good.