Singing For Absolution Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Dominic Howard Facts: Harry Potter grows magic mushrooms for Dominic Howard exclusively. The result? The Knights of Cydonia video. Dominic Howard has a collection of costumes he’s stolen from people including one of Slipknot’s masks and Spiderman’s suit. For three years straight Dominic Howard repeatedly stole all of Heather Mills McCartney’s fake legs. This made Heather so mad that when her husband played a show with Muse and complimented them, she divorced him. As a result, we now have Dominic Howard to thank for Macca’s freedom and a contestant on Dancing with the Stars who is actually famous. When Dominic Howard looks in a mirror, it shatters in amazement. As a result, Dominic Howard is always baffled as to why women always orgasm before he even touches them. Though he does not remember it, Dominic Howard has fathered several Danish babies. Dominic Howard has finished “The Song That Never Ends.” Dominic Howard has thirteen CCs of horse tranquilizers injected into him each day to keep him at hyper. It is impossible to be raped by Dominic Howard because that would mean you did not want it in the first place. Dominic Howard can tie his shoelaces with his feet. Dominic Howard once had sugar right before he played Assassin. The result was a giant Earthquake in Brazil. At the time Dominic Howard was in Germany. It is impossible to kill Dominic Howard with a gun or knife. The only thing that can kill Dominic Howard is a Mattocaster. The reason The Smurfs are no longer on TV is because Dominic Howard ate their village. Matt Bellamy facts: The spikes in Matthew Bellamy’s hair are really antenna he uses to communicate with aliens. Scientists have come to the conclusion that Men are indeed from Mars and cited Matthew Bellamy as proof. No word yet on women being from Venus. Matthew Bellamy is Luke Skywalker’s real father. Half of the tin foil in the world is woven to make Matthew Bellamy’s shiny pants. When Matthew Bellamy moved to Lake Como in Italy his eyes gave it low self esteem. When twisted fans sent Matthew Bellamy saying they would kill themselves if he did not sleep with them, Matthew Bellamy proceeded have sex them through the phone. Then he killed them. Matthew Bellamy’s falsetto is the result of God mixing up his and his sister’s vocal chords as punishment him for being an atheist. It backfired. Now God works for Matthew Bellamy under the alias of Dominic Howard. Eight years ago Matthew Bellamy had the aliens on Cydonia clone his mind in case he ever lost it. Over the last eight years Matthew Bellamy has gone through more minds then Courtney Love has gone through rehabs stays over the course of her entire life. Matthew Bellamy can put out water with fire. Matthew Bellamy is hooked up to a nuclear reactor during live shows. That is why Matthew Bellamy never runs out of energy. Ever. Matthew Bellamy wrote every song 50 Cent ever did when he was on Magic Mushrooms. As punishment, he had to be interviewed by Dylan and Marianella on Fuse’s Daily Download. Once Matthew Bellamy met Bill O’Reilly. Someone took a picture. Bill O’Reilly magnified Matthew Bellamy’s looks so much that no man on Earth except for Matthew Bellamy could get laid for six months. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. The only thing Dominic Howard, guitar techs, and fear have to fear is Matthew Bellamy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finlay Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Arn't there too many to even bother? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thrillby Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 hahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
illuminatus Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 I love Dom's facts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darkshineskitty Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Haha, nice. Where's poor Chris though? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xuwang Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 how could you forget this one? Chris Wolstenholme “Facts” Chris Wolstenholme has had trouble completing every single one of Muse’s records. They had to reward him with a new baby each time to get him to finish “Showbiz,” “Origin of Symmetry,” and “Absolution.” When Chris Wolstenholme’s wife refused on “Black Holes and Revelations,” Wolstenholme’s band mates were forced to bribe him with permission to grow a mustache instead. (This actually has a chance of being true) The reason Chris Wolstenholme does not participate much in interviews is not because he is nervous around journalists, but because journalists are scared shitless of him. Chris Wolstenholme does not procreate. He breeds. Chris Wolstenholme’s mustache was not named after handlebars. Handlebars were named after his mustache. Chris Wolstenholme is the only member of Muse to actually eat food. The reason Chicken Little thought the sky was falling was because it was the first time he had heard Chris Wolstenholme play bass. The alien signals Matthew Bellamy thinks he is getting are actually just Chris Wolstenholme during soundcheck. Chris Wolstenholme has never needed to replace his mind after losing it, nor has he ever needed horse tranquilizers. Therefore is the weirdest member of Muse. Chris Wolstenholme can speak Braille. That’s why he doesn’t talk too much. Once, while having sex in a tractor trailor, one of Chris Wolstenholme’s sperm escaped into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime. The chief export of Chris Wolstenholme are children and fuzz. Chris Wolstenholme once did a wheelie on a unicycle. When Chris Wolstenholme did the wheelie on the unicycle, he fell and lost a testicle. He now has only three. Chris Wolstenholme’s poker face is so good that in the World Series of Poker in 1986, Chris won with a Joker, 2 of clubs, a green number 4 uno card, 7 of hearts, and a get out jail free monopoly card Chris Wolstenholme does not work out. He stares at work out equipment until he builds muscle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Problemfanatique Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Thread starter, how could you miss out Chris. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forevermusic Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Chris Wolstenholme’s poker face is so good that in the World Series of Poker in 1986, Chris won with a Joker, 2 of clubs, a green number 4 uno card, 7 of hearts, and a get out jail free monopoly card I love this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChasingDreams Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Hahaha, these are great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Contrad!ction. Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 love it - and the Chris during soundcheck made me lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nevermind572 Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Haha, Chris's are the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellamy'szetagirl Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Dominic Howard Facts: The reason The Smurfs are no longer on TV is because Dominic Howard ate their village. That's the best one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JackAndrews Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 this is shit i am leaving the board Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Problemfanatique Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Chris' are the best. I thought this thread was gonna contain actual facts about the band. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*OoS* Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 this is shit i am leaving the board I'm assuming you're hoping for a "OMG don't leave : :'( :( etc." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Born Lee Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 The only reason Deep Thought couldn't give the question of Life, The Universe and Everything, was because it was locked in Dom's faff bag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Tourist Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Fact: These were all based on the meme of Chuck Norris facts. Fact: This missed the boat by a few years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singing For Absolution Posted March 3, 2009 Author Share Posted March 3, 2009 The didnt have any Chris ones, people, leave me alone, Chris is still my favourite member of the band......NOTICE THE AVATAR!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrixia Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 hahaha "It is impossible to kill Dominic Howard with a gun or knife. The only thing that can kill Dominic Howard is a Mattocaster." this is the best ...all the scars on his skin post no bills Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FabriPav Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hat Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 This wasn't funny in 2009 and its not funny now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindykt-OvertureThief Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 God, somebody kill this thread again EDIT: I'm not helping my own cause, am I? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bumpypotato Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 I feel bad for laughing at some of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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