I get about 3-4 cups (each with two sugars!) within 5-6 hours at the garage every day!

I can't wait for tomorrow night! Loads of my friends should be in Thame, including some I haven't seen for ages. But before that I have to work at the garage from 12-5, and you know there will be queues down the road...

I have already licked them to test them for flavour.

You really should come to Cardiff. Every day would produce overwhelming excitement for you.

What IS that? Really I have no idea. I fail at life. Or win. Depending on your perspective. Or perspex. Some people look at the world through those perspex screens. You know, those perspex screens. You may have seen them in the night clubs. Down where people dance all night. With the neon lights, those perspex screens they have nowadays. Down the town centre, in the disco club. The kids dance in front of them, jump up in the air then wave their hands about. You know, the perspex screens. Some people view the world through them, in all different colours. With the neon lights, down the disco club. The dancers they have there... Waving about... Viewing their life through screens...

I had 4 cups of coffee at work, 1 cup of tea at home, then went into Thame and had 2 cups of Chai Latte coffee with Sam & Davie in Thame before we went to the pub and had 3 pints of ale. Then on a caffeine high and slightly tipsy, I met some other friends and had 6 or 7 half-pints of hot spiced cider. Then I had to get up at 7.30am to go to work, where i've had 3 cups of coffee. It's like one giant cycle!

And when I got back this morning I found a card had arrived. A card with two mini gingerbread men in it! This made me happy.

I maay be a bit drunk...0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6X3JomOOzY

"But whhhhy?"

Did you separate yourself just so you could get the word elf? I wasn't fond of Beauty and the Beast. I just didn't really like any of the characters!

I wasn't. I was licking an strawberry icelolly.

Good. Now have some Ale!

That was Anna's solution too!

"I'm going to tie you to a radiator and grape you!" Sooo wrong.

In the words of Neo: "But whhhy?"

Sleeping Beauty was amazing! It had the evil witch who came through the fireplace and led Aurora hypnotised up the hidden stone spiral stairs. And it had the dark castle at the end, and the dragon. ...wait, do you just dislike it because the Princess is called Aurora? No, I haven't yet! I hoped to, but no one wanted to go with me.

*drops and licks 109 times*

You disgust me!

Oh yes, speaking of which, Anna was creating sexual fantasies about me and Cillian, while I was hoping to persuade him to play me for a few days. He could meet my family and work at the garage, while I could go and see all my old friends!

!!! That's amazing.

No. We'll drink the wine. As if we would waste it like that!

There better be some ankle! I liked Disney when I was a kid. But I haven't watched any of it in years. Apart from Robin Hood. And the Jungle Book. Oh, and Sleeping Beauty of course.

I know.

Ok. *drinks the wine* Mmmm... grape juice.

No, Cillian. If I looked liked Cillian I would have very few problems in life.

No! I don't think so.

Or every which way?

Not EVERY day! But those images have shown me how to grow and instant "moustache." Yeah, my throat is better! Which is good as i'm meant to be meeting up with Emily (old friend) tomorrow to make a snow igloo, with the aid of much mulled wine. If we're not snowed in anyway! It's like Narnia out there. The roads have disappeared under a blanket of white in the darkness, and it's meant to snow until 9am tomorrow morning now.

The pictures of your feet, back and right hip? I've never been to Disneyland/world/cave/tundra/camper van.

It's boooooring, BOOOOOOORING!

I could murder a glass of wine about now!

Cillian was my profile picture for a while!

In a sexy santa costume? I'm sure he will. Or if not, I will.

We'll make you a sexy DVD then.

Sounds like a nice little fantasy you're creating there! A nice little, little bit of man love?

I like the way you just presume we'd both be up for that...

Ah. No.. Damn.

I thought he may do better in the sexiest male category.

Do you think I could hire him to play me for a few days? He could go to work at the garage and meet my relatives for Christmas, while I could just relax and go drinking with my friends instead.

Yes, I decided to change my face and liked the look of his.

Do you like it when love 'n' licks makes you wet? ...How can quoting a toy advert seem to take things too far...

Well, there are other ways... but I still can't get over that advert enough to suggest them!

I couldn't grow one. I can only grow one like... Oh dear! I really should turn google images 'safe search' back on... well that linked back nicely to "love 'n' licks"! ...err... well I can't grow a proper one anyway! This is weird. Three lines in a row of me trying to cut back on everything sexual now! I must be ill. I do have a sore throat! Pity me!

Oooh why are you going to Disneyland? Christmas?!

I've actually always wished I had a Scottish accent for some reason! Or an Irish one. And I have lost branches of my family in Scotland, and all of our ancestors lived for at least 200 years in Ireland! And after all that i'm stuck with a boring South England BBC accent.

They are! ... WAIT A MINUTE! "...as I listened to tons of IAMX in the shower..." I failed to appreciate this image first time around....

Pffft! It's stuck to my face all the time though. I want to put on a new face each morning! Like a new pair of clothes. ...Sounds like the start of a new Hannibal film there!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1o-obIuin7E

Who needs words and images...

I didn't realise you were that way inclined.

A moustache party? The sad thing is i'd have to wear a fake one.

Actually, just watch this at your leisure for all the possible phrases you'll ever need: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzszTRCoj44

I can try to adopt it myself?

You should do! I find bizarrely that the demo album sounds awesome through my laptop speakers, yet rubbish (sound/mix wise) when on headphones or proper speakers. No idea how that works!

I keep getting bored of my own face!

It was! Sadly I forgot to take the photos though.

I shall happily do the Ghostbuster dance with you... Behind closed doors.

You should go again! Or come to Britain.

I'll have your guts for a fucking skipping rope! Then i'll rip out your lungs, have them sundried, and wear them as a fucking waistcoat.

It's a Scottish accent! As demonstrated by the crossest man in Scotland:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAIF7HB8xaU

Did you ever finish downloading/listening to the Sneaker Pimps' Album 4 demos btw?

I'll take some photos then.

Awesome. ...or it means i'm a fool.

Usually silly questions. What song is this lyric from, who won the world cup in this year, how many species of birds are in "The Twelve Days of Christmas" song, what currency is used in the Vatican, which airport was Die Hard 2 set in... One last night was "What did women campaign to get Queen Victoria to close at Christmas?" and my friends rather too loudly responded "her legs." Another was "Whose catchphrase was: 'It's all done in the best possible taste?'", so we wrote Hitler. No one takes them seriously, and it's just an excuse to have a laugh and a few drinks! Although i've been to some where the winning team gets free drinks! In one in Cardiff you win a minute behind the bar to pull as many free beers for yourself as possible!

There are some awesome cluttered bars too to be fair. There's one in Cardiff called Milgis which has a heated yurt (round tent) in the back full of old stuffed armchairs, wicker chairs, cushions and mattresses.

Don't you start fucking swearing at me or i'll make you sound like a clown running through a fucking minefield! Right? Fuckity bye.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxDBwjQOhdk

Oh good.

I can certainly confuse!

GB is real you mean.

It's not the same thing at all! Pubs are old cluttered and homelike (Pub = http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/01/14/c4/25/cozy-little-pub.jpg ), bars are modern, stylised and cold. The quiz's are always shit to be fair, but nearly everywhere seems to do at least one a week!

To be fair all of that is fucking stolen or adapted from 'The Thick Of It' (or the film version 'In The Loop')! So I can't really claim credit for it.

Blank as opposed to filled with images?

I can only try.

Pfffft, they're both fictional creations and fun!

One ale tasted of earwax, which was unsurprisingly horrible. The other I tried tastes of Mulled Wine in ale form, and was deliciously amazing. WAIT WAIT WAIT! You have never taken a quiz at a pub?! Drunk pub quizes are everywhere in England! DO YOU EVEN HAVE PUBS OVER THERE!?! Australia just had bars. Rubbish! ...I may be a little drunk.

Non-lubricated might not get in. Alternatively push so much cotton wool down their throats that it pokes out the end of their arse like a fucking playboy bunny then throw them into fucking prison showers. It'll be like the fucking the Shawshank Redemption, but with more tunnelling through shit and no fucking redemption.

Would you like a little, a little Egg Nog? Some of that creamy substance inside you, filling you with a spreading warmth?

I've tried speaking like that before to people. They just tend to look at me strangely and interrupt it by saying "what on earth are you talking about?" Which kind of ruins the effect.

Yes you may bring ghost hunting equipment. But only if I can sing the Ghostbusters theme tune the entire time.

An EPIC quest of MIGHTYNESS. Like my QUEST to the pub tonight, conquering the ALE and DOMINOS! But failing at the quiz. Bloody quiz.

Christ on a bendy bus, you should find those cunts and ram their 75 fucking dollars up their collective shitter with a lubricated horse cock.

Would you like a little, a little mince pie? Dripping with brandy butter? I do like getting stuck into a little, a little moist hot pie. Diving in there and eating it. Exploring it a little, a little with my tongue.

They are! We ended up taking it to the large graveyard down the road from our house, and let it go in there. Down near the old stone gate. You know, by the gravestone which says "DANGER, UNSAFE, KEEP AWAY!" Round the back of the large oak tree. We set the mouse free there. By that large stone gate. You know the one, covered with the old carvings, and the boarded-up windows. The one at the end of our road. In the graveyard there. With those headstones. Those headstones they have nowadays. You've seen those headstones? Well we let the mouse go near where the ivy wraps itself seductively round the stone angel's legs. By the hazardous headstone, round the back of the old oak tree, near the stone angel, by the grassy verge. We set the mouse free there, and it scampered happily away into the undergrowth, and buried itself into that big pile of leaves there. You know the one, the big pile under that large oak tree? By the old stone gate... At the end of our road..... The graveyard there...... with those headstones........... I didn't go to be honest. I went back to sleep instead.

I SHALL! *sets off on a quest*

I know literally 3 names on there! Including yours! I'm sure it'll be fun.

I like to put a little, a little wood in the chimney... watch the sparks light, and the warm fire roar into life.

OH! You know I said the other night that i'd heard what sounded like Mouse falling down the stairs without leaving Lucinda's room? It turned out she saw a mouse, and spent all night chasing it noisily around the room. When Lucinda woke up she found a very proud looking cat guarding her bookcase, and behind it found a very tired but unharmed mouse! So she and Nicole (under the cat's supervision) caught the mouse with some paper and a jam jar, and all three of them barged into my room and woke me up to proudly show me the mouse they'd caught. It was like having three cats in my room waiting to be stroked and praised.

It's from the medieval Scottish ballad i'm reading. The King and his followers are wandering through a wild lonely moor, when a fearsome storm blows down from the murky mountains into the dale, leaving them all scattered, and the King lost in the wilderness.

And as that Ryall raud ouir the rude mure,

Him betyde ane tempest that tyme, hard I tell,

The wind blew out of the Eist stiflie and sture,

The deip durandlie draif in mony deip dell;

Sa feirslie fra the Firmament, sa fellounlie it fure,

Thair micht na folk hald na fute on the heich fell

In point thay war to parische, thay proudest men and pure,

In thay wickit wedderis thair wist nane to dwell.

Amang thay myrk Mountanis sa madlie thay mer,

Be it was pryme of the day,

Sa wonder hard fure thay

That ilk ane tuik ane seir way,

And sperpellit full fer.

There is nothing I enjoy more than a hard decking in a small hall.

As long as it helps.

So do I, but my Dad's allergic to cats sadly, and Mouse does have a real owner somewhere.