Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
cheddatom

Tom's Raps

Recommended Posts

Guest QueenOfNerds
Cool.

 

I hadn't use the forum in a long time. You haven't lost the flavor.

 

Groovy.

 

1+

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest QueenOfNerds

He totally does :awesome:

 

But we need more raps :(

 

Someone challenge him please!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
He totally does :awesome:

 

But we need more raps :(

 

Someone challenge him please!

 

Tom, pull your finger out before I win this bout!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ohhhh shiiii n*gga, I hope that ain't a challenge!

I'll own you with my raps like a guitar string down the bell-end.

Fuck that actually, i'll use my B string

Dip it in vinegar first to give that extra sting.

This ain't no .60 you pussy guitard

This is a .150 yeh, I know, i'm THAT hard.

Callouses on shovel fingers, 18" drivers

After i've been playing my bass it's a wonder there are any survivors.

Back to the topic above in question

I take exception to your perverted suggestion

I'm sure Mary's a very attractive little girl

Buth the though of being with a woman makes me hurl

 

I'm a poof!

One cock now I can't get enough!

I'd do anything to see your pretty pink arsehole in the buff.

Ass to mouth!

I'll make you taste your own gout.

I know it sounds disgusting but pervertion's what i'm about.

Listen up Mary!

You could be the sex-fairy

Unfortunately my tastes are slightly contrary

to your own

I'm not having a moan

Maybe if you used a whammy down an octave we could phone?

 

EDIT: This is taken out of context obviously.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ohhhh shiiii n*gga, I hope that ain't a challenge!

I'll own you with my raps like a guitar string down the bell-end.

Fuck that actually, i'll use my B string

Dip it in vinegar first to give that extra sting.

This ain't no .60 you pussy guitard

This is a .150 yeh, I know, i'm THAT hard.

Callouses on shovel fingers, 18" drivers

After i've been playing my bass it's a wonder there are any survivors.

Back to the topic above in question

I take exception to your perverted suggestion

I'm sure Mary's a very attractive little girl

Buth the though of being with a woman makes me hurl

 

I'm a poof!

One cock now I can't get enough!

I'd do anything to see your pretty pink arsehole in the buff.

Ass to mouth!

I'll make you taste your own gout.

I know it sounds disgusting but pervertion's what i'm about.

Listen up Mary!

You could be the sex-fairy

Unfortunately my tastes are slightly contrary

to your own

I'm not having a moan

Maybe if you used a whammy down an octave we could phone?

 

EDIT: This is taken out of context obviously.

 

Yeah, it's not the same out of kit and tab. Maybe you should link to the thread so your fan-base can view it in the right context.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You are correct dog, 'cept no legend has been written

I've been struck down and cast out just 'cos I don't fit in

I should be rhyming all day, but this is all your gettin'

'cos apparently there's no publishers with good taste in "Great" Britain.

 

I've got to pay the bills man, I have to pay the chemist

£100 a month for cream, just to cure a blemish

I thought the guy was dutch but it turns out that he was Flemish

He prefers his sweeties to weed so I paid that fucker with liquorice.

 

I might as well have fucked his mum, he hit me with a phone!

It turns out liquorice won't pay his bills, and he has 3 kids at home

He probably has a wife and mortgage but I cut him off mid-moan

I stabbed that cunt right through the eye with a syringe full of methadone

 

"What a way to go" I thought, that must be such a rush

"there's no way i'm treating my next victim to a demise anywhere near that plush"

Just to make sure, on my way home, I knocked a baby infront of a bus

It practically popped under the front tyre, the rear just turned it to mush

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It would show true talent to lay down an awesome rap without expletives, and still have people like it ;)

 

Challenge set!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you're confused, no-one likes my raps.

Even if they do it's 'cos i'm a funny twat.

It's not because of swearing or any shit like that,

so sit back, relax, here's a rap I just shat.

 

Yo mama called me up this morning on the phone

"tom, tom, come round, I need you to give me a bone!"

I could do without another one of her episodes

but she makes me feel guilty when she's there all alone

So I put on my cologne, grabbed a bag of home-grown,

if i'm gonna fuck yo mama i'm gonna have to do it stoned.

I get my game face on, dick's almost full-grown

but when I get to your house, that bitch's already prone!

You could smell her from the hallway, then I heard her moans

I check her room, your room, fuck me I should have known

She's got her face in the bog-bowl eating shit I assume was her own.

When she turned around with a shitty smile, I went off the idea of being blown.

 

Arse, tits, cunt bollocks, tosser shit

Who the fuck do you think you are? Fucking Will Smith?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One of the best parts of growing up, is learning about your whammy

Whether it's thin or fat their similarities are uncanny

How to plug it in, what order, whether to show your granny

If it's fat with a MIDI in you belong to a new order of jammy

 

Lack of belief in one's whammy can produce romantic rejection

Before long, instead of women, you're fucking your whammy collection!

If you take it to a damp place you'll have to use protection

You dirty fucker, i'm talking about whammies, stop imagining my erection!

 

q

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Money, there's a lot about it that ain't funny

and normally I couldn't give a shit.

But if i'm ever going to get laid, sonny

I'll need y'all to buy my disc.

 

Five pounds posted, you must think i'm toasted!

well being honest you're not far off.

But this stoner's nowhere near cash-bloated

so come feed at the phat-riff trough.

 

To imagine the music, think of the darkest place, down an alley or in your soul

the feeling of fear and dread should by now be making your heart feel cold

Not to worry, your loins will thaw it, here comes the depravity

See if you can visualise my monster cock ball-deep in all of your cavities.

 

No mother fucker, it's not like Muse, this isn't appropriate for "twilight"

(I hope they're contrite 'cos that pile of shite is like "MUSE on smack: the highlights")

CreepJoint is enough to incite a fight without spite between you and your mother

So lock yourself away while you listen all day, 'cos once you've killed her you won't get another.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My musings (yeh!!) on the glitter manson...

 

for me there was only ever one reason

to commit such a brazen act of treason

Such an insult to brazil, or wherever they get those trees from

it looks more gay than poodles in mating season

 

'cos it rhymes with shitter

oh yeh it's the glitter

Could you get any shitter?

Than a guitar covered in glitter?

Shitter glitter, shitter glitter glitter

Just thinking of that shitter makes me fucking jitter

shitter glitter shitter

 

uh

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll give you the impression of a level-headed thinker

I'm interested in what you say despite my wearing blinkers

HAHA you thick cunt, i've got you hook like and sinker

I'm a borderline psychotic ego-maniac petrol drinker

 

You thought that you could talk to me and have a rational debate?

You thought my point of view was anything but e-wanker-bait?

You were going to try and win me 'round but now you're just irate!!

HAHA you little pussy how's it feel to be the wanker, mate?

 

No, go on, i'm only joking, i'm listening now I promise

I really value your input here, carry on, i'm being honest!

Oh wait, that sounds like you're contradicting me, it's time for my predictable rest

I know i'm wrong so i'll fuck off for a while until I can come up with a soundbyte to impress

 

Here we go, round two now, I think i've found a flaw in your argument

You know that word you used a while back is spelled wrong so it doesn't mean what you thought it meant

On top of that it's subjective so I can think anything and be content

'cos subjective means whatever it means, it means i've won the argument

 

Shit, fuck, cunt, bollocks, can you fuck off with those facts please?

I hate your fucking facts more than cheddatom hates his dick cheese

I know without facts and reason i'd still have venereal disease

But for fucks sake that's for doctors and them, i'm trying to wind you up, JEEZ!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

here's some racist humour, i'm cool with that

I got raped in the ass I didn't see him but he was black

How could I tell? I caught a glimpse of his sack

Going thwack thwack thwack slap slap against my ass

 

Oh you like that racism? That's cool with you?

How about I gas you in my oven like a jew?

Twist this abortion into all kinds of contortions while I feed it it's first and last ever portion

of dick, slick, with after-birth shit, is your womb OK after that back-street beat with a stick?

 

Laugh at depravity, laugh when others cry,

laugh when you accidentally get sperm in your eye

You couldn't get further from religious so fuck knows why

if I draw a picture of muhammed I have to die

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I dunno jabble isn't it all babble...ing,

just because I can't sing?

Like the way I act all gallant to hide my lack of talent from women,

else i'd never get laid again!

If I could write some decent words or come up with a melody first it'd be a song!

But i'd always go wrong.

So I settle for e-rapping at least I can do it while i'm fapping over your mum,

(she likes it up the bum).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Another protest rap falls on deaf ears...

 

you know abuse can come from all different quarters. It comes in all shapes and sizes, this is internet sort-a, verbal slaughter, ya'll are gonna need some water 'cos i'm on fire like yo daddy's daughter - yeh, she's smoking hot, sometimes too hot to handle, I love it when she makes me burn her with a scented candle. Back to this scandal, this abuse from a vandal, ya'll had better stop before I string you up like Handel.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From this morning in KnT - a veritable frenzy of whammy

 

Stop, whammy time

Your mamma needs a whammy and it's gonna be mine

Like a fine wine my whammy just gets better with time

So prime that beef 'cos i'll whammy 'till you queef a rhythm in time

 

Don't you worry 'bout your lack of preparation,

Soon you'll get the stench of my perspiration

And if my whammy jams during our conjucation

My granny Fanny will provide the whammy lubrication

 

She makes that whammy unjammy that sweet liquor's uncanny lubing me up like any good granny would

If her fanny's too jammy we go to plan-B, hand shandy, just like when I was a kid growing up in the hood

When you're done with your whammy but your toan is still flabby get your whammy un-jammy and a peice of old cloth

'cos whether tube or tranny, crystal lettuce or Marshall MB, ain't no amp that sounds worse when you whammy that dirt off

 

Yeh

 

There ain't no meaner

Contact cleaner

Than Granny Fanny's

Whammy Unjammy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...