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cheddatom

Tom's Raps

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Guest QueenOfNerds

I've got an itch little bitch

wanna scratch it?

I had so much fun using your mum

can you match it?

fisted too my elbow

I said "hell no she's no lady"

she is just a smut loving slut,

she's so shady"

And on your fireman's hose

when it grows come and show it

9 inches or more?

I'm your whore I will......

 

:rolleyes:

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Well, my mama's dead and my heart's as strong as a horse

I should have no trouble out-performing a corpse

I'm not surprised you got up to your elbow in that cunt

She's been in the ground and wrotting for months!

Damn girl you're not just flirty, you're dirty,

and over thirty, i've suddenly come over all squirty

That's right, i'm rolling out the fire-hose for you

You say you'll blow it but I don't think for one minute it's true

The high-pressure repercussions could tear off your face!

Be careful, it's a warning, i'm not just putting you in your place.

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Guest QueenOfNerds

Nice. I must ponder.

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The longer you ponder the fonder you become

of Cheddatom 'cos he's stronger and knows how to make you come

With a fondle of your fondent and a smack of your bum

Now even your teeth are tingling, wasn't that fun?

Admit it bitch this battle was pointless

Just a thin veil to hide virtual coitus

I'll keep rapping until you have to confess

to wanting Cheddatom in a state of undress

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Guest QueenOfNerds
The longer you ponder the fonder you become

of Cheddatom 'cos he's stronger and knows how to make you come

With a fondle of your fondent and a smack of your bum

Now even your teeth are tingling, wasn't that fun?

Admit it bitch this battle was pointless

Just a thin veil to hide virtual coitus

I'll keep rapping until you have to confess

to wanting Cheddatom in a state of undress

 

 

Well duh :LOL:

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Is that a confession?

Let me teach you a lesson

about men,

you have to spell it out with a big pen

 

You can play with your hair

pout your lips, he won't care

he's a boy

you have to tell him that you are his toy

 

So dress up all slutty

Talk to him all smutty

Get him drunk

Until you've got your lips around his trunk

 

he won't have a clue

that he can have you

Take my advice

Ladies, tell him at least twice

 

Tell him "fuck me, I want you to fuck me"

"take me all around my house on one big fucking fuck-spree"

Tell him "fuck me, I want you to fuck me"

"take me all around my house on one big fucking fuck-spree"

 

Then he might get it

If not don't sweat it

Don't fret

He is controlled by his cock don't forget

 

Get him to come round

Show him your sexy gown

Dance a bit

Watch his cock grow then go play with it

 

He might be shocked

He might think he's being mocked

Say he's huge

Put on some rouge

Don't be a prude

You'll never lose!

 

Tell him "fuck me, I want you to fuck me"

"take me all around my house on one big fucking fuck-spree"

Tell him "fuck me, I want you to fuck me"

"take me all around my house on one big fucking fuck-spree"

 

 

Uncle Tom's sex advice column, soon to appear in Hello magazine.

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Guest QueenOfNerds

Are you telling me to tart up for my boyfriend or you? Won't I get my head kicked in by your kickboxing girlfriend?

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It's advice on men in general, but seeing as i've never seen you that mightn't be the best idea. What if you're old and wrinkly!! Eugh.

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Guest QueenOfNerds

Doesn't stop you with yo dead mamma

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Ok, i'll admit, it my raps have dried up

I'm really trying to spit it but I just come out with muck

Instead of original content I just react to other raps

I'm ashamed that i'm so lame i've got to make a come back

 

It started as a laugh to rap about guitar geeks and stuff

Pedals and racks, amps and cabs, then some people got e-tough

They had to take me on at my own game and kinda won

They got owned by my raps but then my originality was done

 

Sitting in my office now i'm totally on my own

Talking to almost no-one I actually ignore my phone

Often I can't help but think that if only i'd known

my raps would dry up, my mind come un-stuck, my reputation blown!

I would have done things differently

Done my job less competantly

Get paid off with redundancy

And sat back on my ass

'Cos staring at this data

Everyday my lunch feels later

My eyes feel like two craters

And i'm slowly getting fat

 

Oh well it's home time now, i'm going for a beer and a smoke

Hopefully i'll get to plow my girlfriend, I like a weekend poke

That's unlikely, not that we row, i'm just not sexually attractive

When she first saw me it was like "wow" but then she remembered her plastic.

That fucking rampant rabbit toy is the bane of my existence

Longer, fatter, harder, softer, vibrating penis pretence

I should melt it down into a crown to wear as a sign of bitterness

I'd wear it and just my gown all around town to protest at the chasteness

 

That'll do for tonight i'm going out to get pissed

I've got thirty quid to my name and tomorrow it'll be missed

But beer and smoke and friends will slowly take the pain away

Have a good weekend you KnTs i'll be back Monday.

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Guest QueenOfNerds

I sit in my little office all day alone

and I do what I can to ignore the phone

I am just rendering takes no effort at all

so I have played a game all day, so not cool.

I could have been doing some work of my own

so many skills that I should hone

should've worked on my showreel or gone for a swim

instead I just wait for the work to roll in.

 

Why have we gone all emo today?

I just wrote this poem so I could say

you're not alone we're all lazy as fuck.

(and with your weekend shag I wish you good luck)

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I'm back

I'm here to blow your mind with just one rap

My last few submissions show I need a change of tack

A new track, a new plan of attack, it's out with the weed and in with the smack

 

That's right motherfuckers, i'm now on heroin

It started as a fad-diet 'cos yo mama wants me thin

Now i've lost my weight, it's great, but I can't go back to gin

Injecting this shit into my veins is spaced out "epic win"

 

I feel so dizzy it's like serious concussion

I knew I shouldn't have taken that second white russian

It's yo mama forcing it on me despite the repercussions

She's a mental bitch though, can't even hold a discussion

 

She loves date rape

She wears spandex and a cape

She gets you all fucked up then shoves her pussy in your face

If you're lucky you'll suffocate

It stinks worse than old-skate

Her flaps dangle round your ears pull them hard to seal your fate

 

In the morning there's a sharp contrast

She even makes you breakfast

She says it's all in the past

She can't beleive how long you last!

She's aghast at your mast all her lovers have been surpassed

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Phill with two ls, one for each of his bitch-tits

His mama's obese but he still makes her legs look like bread sticks

Once upon a time he auditioned to be the michelin man

He was laughed off the stage, they told him to put away the frying pan

"You're too fat, you've got way too many tyres!!"

Too many tyres to be the michelin man? He must be about to expire.

Before you go to your grave Phill, i've got to let you know

Your's is deffinitely the best mattocaster copy, honestly, fo sho

 

apart from musecaster's.

 

heh, did you see this one?

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haha yeah i vaguely remember that one. i'm surprised you managed to find it though.

oh it wasn't in K&T it was on the page before... derrr

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deeeeeeeeeerrrrrrr

 

Phill's retarded

His intellect discarded

Detsroyed when my raps caused his brain to be bombarded

I regarded

His sexuality unguarded

Since we went clubbing and he pulled out his gay ID when carded

A bonafide poof

His worst nightmare is a muff

If you showed him a burberry cap he'd think that meant you were tough

So if you're buff

And you like a bit of rough

Phill will fuck you silly until you're screaming "please, enough!!".

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deeeeeeeeeerrrrrrr

 

Phill's retarded

His intellect discarded

Detsroyed when my raps caused his brain to be bombarded

I regarded

His sexuality unguarded

Since we went clubbing and he pulled out his gay ID when carded

A bonafide poof

His worst nightmare is a muff

If you showed him a burberry cap he'd think that meant you were tough

So if you're buff

And you like a bit of rough

Phill will fuck you silly until you're screaming "please, enough!!".

 

That started strong, but by the end i found myself disappointed. I bet it's not the first time that's happened with you is it Tom.

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pwned

I think I just got owned!

Crashing down with gravity philled with my inediquacy I groan

who am I to moan?

I know that my depravity has left a gaping cavity the size of my bone

In yo mama's corpse

The coroner thought it was a horse they had to call in inspector morse on the phone

This is a gift it's not a loan

Print me off and read it while you fap to me at home

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fuck you mother fucker and your fucking censor-shit

I can swear as much as I want but I still have to suck your dick?

I heard a rumor you're a kiddy-groomer with no sense of humor

You don't have to chastise me just 'cos I'm not a bull-shit consumer

That's not a tumor?

Oh, it's your penis.

That retarded growth would give a heart attack to a hygienist

I can't tell if that's mould or if it's pubic hair

Are you supposed to have little green shoots sprouting there?

Put it this way, at least you'll never be starved

You could plant some crops in your crotch and world hunger would be immediately halved.

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I'm not annoying, you're just jealous 'cos i'm employing, yo mama's lips and i'm enjoying her amazing sucking skills.

While she sucks, she's toying, very soon i'll be deploying enough sperm to leave her buoying in a huge puddle of muck.

I don't want to be nasty, but she needs vaginoplasty, it looks like a cornish pasty or a halibut's gills.

It smells like rotten gammon or gone off atlantic salmon no wonder there's been cock-famine if I went near I'd up-chuck.

Just oral's fine, she's still happy, in her fragranced adult nappy, she keeps it on else I get snappy, obviously 'cos of the stench.

I sealed it on with gaffa tape, the antithesis of normal rape, I still violate her face until I make her gag and wretch.

It's all fine and consenting, it's just that she's lamenting the loss of the pensioner who was renting, a room in her cunt.

When he died he fermented, but he had rented and it totally dented her monthly income.

This explains her current position, gagging like a trooper on a mission, sucking for britain while she gets pissed on, what a hard working whore.

Even when i'm done, and you can't see her face for all the cum, she sticks her finger up my bum, desperate for more!

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Today I was presented with a predickament

Do I fuck my girlfriend for her Christmas present?

I'm an expert lover, once described as pleasent

But i'll have nothing for her if the bitch won't give consent!

All girls have rape fantasy, there's no way she'd resent

me for tying her down and fucking her until i'm spent.

I think that's right anyway, or maybe 99 percent.

One in a hundred odds for her present being torment.

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Oversensitive people have made me apprehensive

People that can't take a joke, they're being reprehensive

They make me pensive, I don't want to offend

I've tried making that clear but all they do is condescend.

 

So what now? No more yo mama jokes

I can't say I f*cked her even if it IS a hoax

I need a smoke, I can't take this frustration

Rapping about yo mama is a form of relaxation

 

It's OK, I don't need to be distasteful

In fact my use of expletives could be described as wasteful

It's disgraceful, I swear far too much

And now all my school-kid fans are far too out of touch

 

Yes, that's right, the fan-base of my rhymes

Are underrage, unsupervised, victims of our times

They read my lines, and they're totally disgusted

They've never studied violence or war, they're all maladjusted

 

In case you can't tell, i'm being very sarcastic

I'm slightly bitter only 'cos i've always been bombastic

enthusiastic, and now I feel i'm being called a twat

Sorry if I offended you, that's a KnT rap.

 

Cool.

 

I hadn't use the forum in a long time. You haven't lost the flavor.

 

Groovy.

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