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cheddatom

Tom's Raps

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For fuck's sake dude, just take some fucking time

I'm not replying again until you've tried with your rhymes

They're supposed to flow so you can feel the rhythm

At the moment it flows like three day old dried semen

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You think you can talk 'bout rhythm

There seems to be a point your missin

Yours words seem as rigid as brick

Kinda shows that your really thick

 

Don't worry, don't hang your head low

I got no problems when boys are slow

But it kinda makes it all easy

Rippin' you apart 'equals' breezy

 

I feel I'm miles past this

My lines are truly bliss

All o' yours are swing and miss

Like the smell of piss

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EDIT: Read aloud (and fast) if you want to hear the rhymes:

 

So if there is another brother who can insult my mother while he can keep it clever rhyming in a rap

Then show us my rapping brother, I fucked your ugly mother while you were looking at child porn having a fap

As lost fucking syllables drain from the heavens like diamond dust,

Fools shouting "Yo Mamma" belies a bleeding of words.

 

So i'll go searching for the source of a river of truth,

cascading from the mirrored walls of this crystal catalyst

to rest in the catacombed tombs

where shadows play hopscotch under the dirty archways,

leading to the hidden rooms of the earthbound soul.

And you better hope they scratch a 6,6,6,

as the doors embossed in 7s

and Osirus' severed head

have caved in under the sheer weight of

glittering gold and moulting dove feathers,

billowing the stench of death

through the stale incense smoke.

So here we'll drift in our barren winter's tale,

where no madrigal songs can save us,

for no water-bound hand will emerge from a lake

to offer us peace at the point of our hate:

So bring out the masques and let the carnival begin:

A God given army of bastard Angels and Priests,

as I dance, pale companion,

through the thread of the Fates,

 

and

 

I

 

trip,

 

third-eye to eye with a skull, on a tomb of lead.

"I'm in Arcadia too", I scratched into Tom's head.

Edited by Static Shadows

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LOL

 

Shit just got scary

He's got a rhyming dictionary!

I'm going to go and see if they've got one at my library

 

He's got a thesaurus

I can't even write a chorus!!

His rhymes are fucking tight like my uncles macintosh is porous

 

Shhhiiiiii you just got it

I'm being sarcastic

Does the title say "post your emo lyrics"? You spastic!

 

This thread is for rapping

Not for lyrical fapping

Unless you're going to wax lyrical about your crapping?

 

This morning I dropped a log

I dropped it into the bog

The splash back it was so immense it created a sort of fog

 

A fog that stank of shit

It nearly made me sick

Fortunately I managed to pry open the window with a stick

 

And what did I find?

It fucking blew my mind!

Looking up at me was a lady of the slutty kind

 

I shouted "hey Mrs Static!"

Get up here fucking quick

I'm almost there, i'm getting close, come suck on the end of my dick

 

Yes, that was yo' mama

She eats cum like bananas

Calm down now, don't cry, 'cos there ain't no need for drama

Edited by cheddatom

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You think you can talk 'bout rhythm

There seems to be a point your missin

Yours words seem as rigid as brick

Kinda shows that your really thick

 

Don't worry, don't hang your head low

I got no problems when boys are slow

But it kinda makes it all easy

Rippin' you apart 'equals' breezy

 

I feel I'm miles past this

My lines are truly bliss

All o' yours are swing and miss

Like the smell of piss

 

Yo Yo Yo Save,

Sorry dude I missed your rap

I hope you don't think i'm less brave

For taking a while to write you back?

 

Your rap has a couple of decent rhymes

The rhythm's not so fucked up this time

But you know one little pet peeve of mine?

It's irony of the rediculous kind.....

 

"your really thick"

You're really thick

"your really thick"

NO, YOU'RE REALLY THICK

 

Do you get it prick?

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Nope, I seriously cannot read you're mind bendingly stupid, pointless words. If you actually want to rap insert some meaning into it. Challenge something. And use imagination rather than writing an incredibly bad eminem rip offs. And stop with that unimaginative childlike aaa bbb ccc ddd etc rhyming dictionary scheme. :LOL::facepalm:

 

Nah, I'm guessing you're just having a laugh, so here's some equally terrible and cliched words back:

 

Look Chedda's out fuckin' eminem,

Rhymes roll out just the same again,

'Cause he just don't know what to say again.

 

So i'll rap about havin' a piss,

'Cause i'm just sendin' a diss,

Or is this just all fuckin' meaningless?

 

This goes out to the shit,

Onto which your words stick,

But i'm just takin the mick

 

No one can be such a prick

 

WORD lol.

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Number one mother fucker: I don't sound like Eminem

I come from Stoke, i've got long hair, I don't infect women

Either way, I don't mind the flattering comparison

In my house, his first 2 albums regularly get a listen

 

Number two: what, is your rap in 3/4?

That shit just doesn't groove my friend, don't post us anymore!

Yes, I DO know about rhythm, yes I know about time

There's groovey, funky, dirty, loose, but yours is basically grime

Grime ain't necessarily bad as long as you've got a beat

But working in text YOU've got no chance of getting those tapping feat

 

Number three: Is that a sense of humour failure?

Your screamo lyrics aren't welcome so you turn into a hater!

"you're so stupid, your thread's just stupid, your raps are as stupid as you"

"anyway, i'll have a go at doing it your way just incase it makes me cool"

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I'm bored, I'm tired, but I feel like writing rhymes

It won't be that great

It will blow your fucking mind!

 

I'm starting to agree with everyone here!

Things coming from you

Sound a little queer

 

Maybe it's time to slow down

No one here is wearin' a crown

None of us can get millions

But your words make me ill again

 

As to your lies about what you sound like

Where you're from and your sight

won't change your bark just your bite!

 

And really, do you give a fuck about grammar

At least my text won't look like a stammer

You manage to look awkward on a page

why not turn it and end the rage!

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You can bend the grammer, or you could even make up your own words

But when you miss out an apostraphe while calling someone stupid it's absurd

I'm really sorry you're so deeply effected, I didn't want you to feel like a turd

But how many times have I told you how to improve your raps? It must be around the third.

 

Re-read your rap and tap your foot, the verses do work individually

But soon you'll notice, they don't flow together you haven't got the prowess of me

 

I told you "you need to start with the beat" but it's like fucking yo mama in the ass

You'll never listen, she'll never learn, you need lube!!! That's a KnT rap.

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It's okay when you take the piss,

But coming up is a little twist

You gotta get it into ya head

Your just re-writin' what other people said

 

For fucks sake I don't care what you say

You teach lessons but no-one seems to pay

Now you gotta get out a here

You make everything feel queer

 

So go, you're makin' me uncomfortable

Sittin' here and yo' mama's mouth full

Of my massive cock

And now its as hard as rock

 

Now I'm finished, finally

Your mom swallowed silently

She didn't wanna make much noise

And embarrass her little boy

Not that she can do it any more

You won't recover from the social sore

Of being rejected by every girl you meet

"Stay back from them, by 100 feet"

 

Those words came from the judge

a restraining order that won't budge

Your stalking days are over

you look desperate for a lucky clover

 

Now i'm done taking you down

You really need to flip that frown

From the litter your definitely the runt

Admit that your an 8yr old KunT

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lol, cool story bro, but chedda's afraid of nuttin'

I asked for decent raps I didn't ask for retards to butt-in

So shut it, now, can I have a new opponent please?

Your raps are about as fresh as your 15 year old dick-cheese

 

I've taken some time off because I had to get away

I drove all the way to scotland on a camping holiday

I drove around, smoked some weed, and even saw some whales

But mainly just got pissed on and battered by the gales

 

The weather was shit, I have to admit

But I loved the scenery like yo mama loves my dick

Rolling mountains and waterfalls, tasty food and mirth

It invigorated me in the same way as eating an after-birth

 

So now i'm back on the muse board with some new poetry

You guys are fucking lucky you get to read this shit for free

I'm sorry it took so long for me to bother to write that^cunt back

But there's four verses to keep you going, that's a KnT rap.

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For fucks sake, I thought you'd wrote a rap!

I come into my thread and all I get is this crap?

It's fucking racist to hate rap 'cos it's black music wigger

Do you spend all your time trying to make your cock bigger?

My tip is vinegar, you need to rub it on your dick

It might sting at first but it'll make it long and thick

Add some salt, for extra man-power

Don't go washing it off like a pussy in the shower

Squeeze some lemon on it, rub it in with sandpaper

Why am being I so kind to such a rap-hater?

'cos i'm a nice guy, and I feel bad for your inadequacy

If anyone tells you i'm joking, trust me that's a fallacy

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You think i'm a wigger

Well that's where your wrong

I'm as dark

as your momma's black thong

 

I think you assume i like MJ

and that i like Fried chicken over PBJell-ay

And now repeat what i say

"Casual Racism Makes Me Happ-ay"

 

Do you think, just cos i'm black

I shoot hoops when i'm round the back

that my ancestors lived in a shack

And that i'm better than you in the sack

 

And finally whats your obsession with my dick

It gets boring, wanna give it a lick?

I know the answer, you don't have to say

You been wanting to ask all day!

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awww, babe, you put some effort into that!

It's a shame you can't stop sounding like a twat

An ass-hat, a "can't take a joke"

Y'all should chill out, relax, have a toke

 

There ain't nothing funny about casual racism

Here in the UK that shit can get you into prison

And you know what kind of shit goes on there

The blacks all rape the whites wigger it's not fair!

 

Oh yeh I know a black guy so I can't be racist

It's just a coincidence he stole my gold bracelet

I'm sure it's just 'cos he felt he didn't fit in

But that mother fucker still wound up in 4 bins

 

Sorry, that was probably close to the mark

No offence to my other-brothers who are dark

I'm warning you though, don't try steal my bicycle

I'll stab you down the jap eye with a solidified icicle

 

Sorry, I got a bit side-track there

My rapping is free flowing like my luscious long blonde hair

I didn't mean to neglect you Save The Hostages

I guess you were busy anyway, sucking on some sausages?

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It was all meant as a joke

Sorry if it hurt where i poke

You must be mad cos you had to go to scotland

Whilst I was lying in sea, sun and sand

 

It seems like you followed a philosophy

and your life isn't a bare necessity

It's seemingly reminiscent of a catastrophe

So end it and leave me to rest easy

 

Sorry if that was a low blow

no-one told you to die

since your momma or my Ho

But man, please don't cry

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dude, you need a dick to make it hurt when you poke

You almost made me sick from that fucked up joke

You can't hurt a woman with that button-mushroom!!

That freaky fungus fallace is getting nowhere near a womb

That's why you're on the internet, you're not getting laid

You should sign up for medical research it's the only way you'll ever get paid

Don't be afraid, at least you could never make a girl choke

Unless it's on laughter, after you tell her you're so broke

You want some dating tips from me? Put your head in the oven

There's less chance of you getting a date than there is existence of heaven

 

Fuck it, I can't make sense of your rap

I've read better English in random spam attacks

So here are the facts: You're embarassing yourself

Close your notebook and burn the fucker, put the pen back on the shelf

 

You've tourtured me enough, how many times to I have to win?

It's done and dusted, you've been busted, let's put this battle in the bin

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Phill with two ls, one for each of his bitch-tits

His mama's obese but he still makes her legs look like bread sticks

Once upon a time he auditioned to be the michelin man

He was laughed off the stage, they told him to put away the frying pan

"You're too fat, you've got way too many tyres!!"

Too many tyres to be the michelin man? He must be about to expire.

Before you go to your grave Phill, i've got to let you know

Your's is deffinitely the best mattocaster copy, honestly, fo sho

 

apart from musecaster's.

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Guest QueenOfNerds

So this is the place that cheesy Tom calls home,

and this is where the king of raps keeps his throne.

I had a look round liked some of what I saw

but let me brighten up this drab 90's decor.

I'm just passing through to show you some love

no not the kind you get from your mamas lubed up rubber glove.

Now I don't like a boy with a very small toy

and that little thing can't give me no joy

I love a real man with a real thatch

a man of good proportion with a nice hairy patch

I'm a hairy girl with a hairy snatch

hope you don't get caught in my hairy honey trap.

Edited by QueenOfNerds

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Honey, you trapped me, i'm head over heels

I'd hide under your matress just to cop a quick feel

I didn't realise you had a thing for sweaty hairy guys

I've got a mean chest wig, but I shave between my thighs!

I could pritt-stick some of your mum's pubes onto my sack,

but the last time I tried that I got a crab-attack!

I don't want them back, so you'll have to change your fetish

Do you like firemen? I can spray high-pressure piss,

all over your face, that's where you like my warm liquids

At least that's where yo mama likes my sperm - it's not insipid

it's fucking salty, it's nasty in your mouth

One time I came over a slug, you heard the explosion 5 miles south!

 

EDIT:

 

That was a bit shit, i'm not on form today

I'm sounding gay, maybe I should take some time away

I can go all night, still get rock hard in seconds

but maybe this rapping game's trying to teach me a lesson

I'm not a rap machine, i'm a dildo with a brain

If I give up rapping it will be a mighty shame

but it's a pain, trying to always stay fresh

Not unlike yo mama's face I often make a mess

Of my rhyming, although not with my timing

I'm tight like a teenage girl before she's ever gone horse-riding

Edited by cheddatom

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Guest QueenOfNerds
Honey, you trapped me, i'm head over heels

I'd hide under your matress just to cop a quick feel

I didn't realise you had a thing for sweaty hairy guys

I've got a mean chest wig, but I shave between my thighs!

I could pritt-stick some of your mum's pubes onto my sack,

but the last time I tried that I got a crab-attack!

I don't want them back, so you'll have to change your fetish

Do you like firemen? I can spray high-pressure piss,

all over your face, that's where you like my warm liquids

At least that's where yo mama likes my sperm - it's not insipid

it's fucking salty, it's nasty in your mouth

One time I came over a slug, you heard the explosion 5 miles south!

 

EDIT:

 

That was a bit shit, i'm not on form today

I'm sounding gay, maybe I should take some time away

I can go all night, still get rock hard in seconds

but maybe this rapping game's trying to teach me a lesson

I'm not a rap machine, i'm a dildo with a brain

If I give up rapping it will be a mighty shame

but it's a pain, trying to always stay fresh

Not unlike yo mama's face I often make a mess

Of my rhyming, although not with my timing

I'm tight like a teenage girl before she's ever gone horse-riding

 

:LOL: How did you know about the piss fetish? wow.

Bitch it's on......after a small break for a swim and some light refreshments... then it's on.

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