ChasingDreams Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 This is my take on the "doubt" theme. Bear in mind i haven't wrtten poetry since middle school so this might sound very choppy. So sorry if I make you want to pull your brain from your skull xD [by the way I love that doubt poem up at the top, but I was too lazy to quote] Anyways here it is: Flimsy fingers. Curling and wrapping around a conscience; Teasing and prodding; But fleeting and wavering like a summer storm. Haughty eyes. Challenging with their questions; Fueling the indecision; Warping the already feeble truths. Dragging feet. Slowing and pulling to an abstract state; Like the confines of a fleeting dream; Threatening to enter the abyss of doubt forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caff Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I don't have much to say on your first poem, but this second one...it's clearly very bitter. On first reading this, and I don't mean this in a bad way, but it sounded like a certain Paramore song, Misery Business...it has the same kind of attitude. Heh I don't mind. Anyone who thinks that a little bitterness is a bad thing is denying a part of human nature in my opinion! At least I'm getting out my negative feelings in a poem and not going after the person who it is about like some people would! That's my take on it anyway. I felt better after getting it all out anyway. I don't like Paramore so don't know the song, looked up the lyrics and see what you mean...I guess most girls feel like they've encountered a girl like that at some point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Born Lee Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Heh I don't mind. Anyone who thinks that a little bitterness is a bad thing is denying a part of human nature in my opinion! At least I'm getting out my negative feelings in a poem and not going after the person who it is about like some people would! That's my take on it anyway. I felt better after getting it all out anyway. I don't like Paramore so don't know the song, looked up the lyrics and see what you mean...I guess most girls feel like they've encountered a girl like that at some point. Oh absolutely, good to get it out in a poem! I just look back at many of my bitter poems and think they're awful. I look at them and think how silly it was to think that way since I'm often so strangled with emotion I think radically. So in a way it's good to get it down and look back on it and mature in a way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emily_Wah Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I see a lot of love poets on this forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest QueenOfNerds Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I see a lot of love poets on this forum. Yep we're all loved up!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Born Lee Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Yep we're all loved up!! No, we're all very horny and deprived. Different thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FilipeDumas Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 The Next Step. He pulled it against his head and took a breath, Heard life around him as precious as she is, The colours beamed and faded simultaneously, The despair that took over and warped him Was the only thing he met that moment And the one thing he desired to be way from. The torment of the past pierced his soft skull Into his fantasy worlds, into his eyes and lungs. He questioned it one more time, one last chance But then again, why bother to stop this boring? He took the last breath , a lost breath, And gave himself the answer after this life. In a split second, the bullet touched his head, Drilled it like a million desperate leaches, An ocean of tears drowning his now hollow life. Everything was extremely light and then heavy, Dark, empty, a second that dragged forever As the bullet caved deeper into his brain, Erasing all as it went by, gentle like a spider. A burning pain was painted over all his senses, But a relief also covered his open wounds and scars. He bled his life out through a small whole From which Death sucked all his memories. Filipe Dumas, 15 de Janeiro de 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest QueenOfNerds Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 No, we're all very horny and deprived. Different thing. Oh yeah, you're right:( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Born Lee Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 The Next Step. Ah, this poem really makes life sound precious! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Born Lee Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Our Wee House I would like a plastic house. I'd sip some plastic tea. I'll marry an icky girl, I guess, And she would live with me. We'd have a lovely honeymoon, We might even have kids! I would do a hard day's work And she'd give me a kiss. We'd have spaghetti every night, And then you'd clean it up. We'd sit at home and watch TV, And she would drink some wine. Then we'd go to bed I guess Though I'm not sure why. I'll come back around tomorrow And we'll do it all again. After a while, we will get bored, Cos I don't play it properly. I'd put spaghetti on the door, And then we'd have a fight. I'd throw the plastic plates about, And run away from you. Our plastic house just fell apart, It was made from plastic walls. LM, Jan 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest QueenOfNerds Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Our Wee House I would like a plastic house. I'd sip some plastic tea. I'll marry an icky girl, I guess, And she would live with me. We'd have a lovely honeymoon, We might even have kids! I would do a hard day's work And she'd give me a kiss. We'd have spaghetti every night, And then you'd clean it up. We'd sit at home and watch TV, And she would drink some wine. Then we'd go to bed I guess Though I'm not sure why. I'll come back around tomorrow And we'll do it all again. After a while, we will get bored, Cos I don't play it properly. I'd put spaghetti on the door, And then we'd have a fight. I'd throw the plastic plates about, And run away from you. Our plastic house just fell apart, It was made from plastic walls. LM, Jan 2009 I love it, although it is a little close to home right now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Born Lee Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 I wrote this in school today when I came across my love interest, who wasn't particularly interested. I couldn't write what I was feeling, so I wrote about that instead. Failed Attempt. Suddenly blown out of focus, I detract. Surely and only, I can write my opus. In fact, pushed only by brown wisps and A certain lisp, am I brought to song. And I think long and only this comes. Between bliss and pathetic sadness, Comes less of a song, more a state, Of lines thought of too late, I wonder, If this gate of time is wasted on you. But I have lasted, so please wait. Be at ease, for there is hope for us. I am but dope, I waste time on this, And so sayest me of this blur. A pathetic kiss unattainable or caused By a simple pause, a tick or gait. For I like simple, a simple song. But on too long, I'll keep you not. It has come to naught, I cannot do it. Cannot bring throat to bark, or sing. I will park third in this love race. Enamoured by her bitten thumb, I drop my pen, and nothing comes. LM Feb 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RequiemForADream412 Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 I wrote this in school today when I came across my love interest, who wasn't particularly interest. I couldn't write what I was feeling, so I wrote about that instead. Failed Attempt. Suddenly blown out of focus, I detract. Surely and only, I can write my opus. In fact, pushed only by brown wisps and A certain lisp, am I brought to song. And I think long and only this comes. Between bliss and pathetic sadness, Comes less of a song, more a state, Of lines thought of too late, I wonder, If this gate of time is wasted on you. But I have lasted, so please wait. Be at ease, for there is hope for us. I am but dope, I waste time on this, And so sayest me of this blur. A pathetic kiss unattainable or caused By a simple pause, a tick or gait. For I like simple, a simple song. But on too long, I'll keep you not. It has come to naught, I cannot do it. Cannot bring throat to bark, or sing. I will park third in this love race. Enamoured by her bitten thumb, I drop my pen, and nothing comes. Aww. I love your poetry, Lee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Born Lee Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Aww. I love your poetry, Lee. Thank you, that means a lot to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FilipeDumas Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Born Lee Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I don't really like it, to be honest. The line 'picture of raping' in particular doesn't work for me- far too explicit compared with the rest of the poem, and plus it's a pretty clumsy line. Also, you spelt 'breathe' wrong. Sorry but a typo ruins a poem, easily distracts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FilipeDumas Posted February 7, 2009 Author Share Posted February 7, 2009 Oops. You're right. Did not notice. =P Thank you for the critic, I appreciated it. ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pistol Star Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Electro Empire 17 APR 08 The skies are enveloping within Forcing the clouds to crawl in They watch from above The inhumane love And unforgiving sting of the wind Hiding behind molecular technology The pulsating drums negatively pound Sol Three covers its eyes from the truth Causing confusion for all on the ground Radical souls reach out to Gods They forget the past to rationalise the cause A hole in the universe collapses Sending all into hysterics They paint our forces black with terror Galloping horses alive with furor Ripping apart of the fabric of existence Gluing together the static of consistence The Backroom Zoo 22 November 2008 I was born free in the mind Before corruption began to climb We all flew high with our wings outstretched Famine, depression, and power farfetched But now our stage is presently aware Of all the surroundings too delicate to care Governmental lies and religious fakes Those who do not care for what this makes The stories unravel their carpets of red Inviting you to join their feast of the dead Waging their wars for sole personal gain Sixty years of rule, never refrained The fragile manipulation of your mind And distrated intoxication not left behind Like children playing chess with fake wooden pawns The powerful banks control monetary throngs Well-oiled machines raring--ready to go A well-dressed businessman could never say no Nor, presidents of past have ever been slaves No, the smiles on dead faces will never fade When explosives bring down our common enemy The False Flag band-aid is their remedy When the heart of the beast has awaken the chance For the New World Order to continue a romance Investment frauders orgy mortgage desire They line their pockets with wild green fire For the truth of the matter lies not in the age But beneath the surface, not far from the stage A haunting ghost forshadowing the effect Return for the money, a hand to collect Systematic system and classification prevail To document lost souls doomed to burn in hell A light in the sky offers peace in the land But the light is a rocket, decimating our plan So when we are tired of suckling from the media Look up 'terrorist' in an encyclopedia See the names of all the intelligent crew Who try to wage war against me and you Not the bums living in some far off cave But the ones who have subjected us as slaves Blinding our judgement with fear-mongering tactics Like trading with people outsourcing galactics So if we choose to be free once again We must force evil off into its bitter end For we are a kind linked from our essense And must wrought upon our own convalescence An instinct of survival too human to ignore Starting to collapse the cold metal door If we keep our sense of what was behind The future will be born free in the mind The first one was inspired by 'Exo-Politics' and takes its name from one of the former names of 'Futurism'. The second one was inspired by the film 'Zeigeist' and Muse's obsession with conspiracy theories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndigoListener Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 -Belonging- I just want some peace. Cradle me in your starlit abyss. If you called me,I would go- Leave it all behind. To find peace. The meaning of tranquility... Rock me in your sea. Take me home. -Yours- Twin galaxies and rose petals Hard and delicate Shower me with your bold caress My soul, parched- wants to belong ... to you? -One- Breathe in my breath your soul whispers in my mind. Touch your forehead to mine Can you hear your thoughts echo? Close your eyes Breathe me in Hearts pound. Fingers clench. Sigh. and behold. The beauty of one. Here's a few of mine.. If you like I can post more. -Indigo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest QueenOfNerds Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 -Belonging- I just want some peace. Cradle me in your starlit abyss. If you called me,I would go- Leave it all behind. To find peace. The meaning of tranquility... Rock me in your sea. Take me home. -Yours- Twin galaxies and rose petals Hard and delicate Shower me with your bold caress My soul, parched- wants to belong ... to you? -One- Breathe in my breath your soul whispers in my mind. Touch your forehead to mine Can you hear your thoughts echo? Close your eyes Breathe me in Hearts pound. Fingers clench. Sigh. and behold. The beauty of one. Here's a few of mine.. If you like I can post more. -Indigo Very beautiful, yes post more!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Born Lee Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 -Belonging- I just want some peace. Cradle me in your starlit abyss. If you called me,I would go- Leave it all behind. To find peace. The meaning of tranquility... Rock me in your sea. Take me home. -Yours- Twin galaxies and rose petals Hard and delicate Shower me with your bold caress My soul, parched- wants to belong ... to you? -One- Breathe in my breath your soul whispers in my mind. Touch your forehead to mine Can you hear your thoughts echo? Close your eyes Breathe me in Hearts pound. Fingers clench. Sigh. and behold. The beauty of one. Here's a few of mine.. If you like I can post more. -Indigo These are quite nice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndigoListener Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Thanks for the positive feedback guys. Here are some more. -Writing- Cleansing breath of thought on page. Meander out of my soul like a river, winding it's way 'round the universe and back again To be birthed on a canvass of white and black. Covered in stardust and neurons. -Only- Only silence here. Devoid of colour Devoid of light Only noise- Static hum. Drown it out, drown it out. There's no depth I'm in the second dimension Digging, digging... Is that all that's left Of us? -Guinea Pig- Watch me. See me. Take what's mine is yours -I can't stop you. Long fingers; grasping- probing Take what you came for -I can't stop you. From star light; Steel in the night steal in the night. -I can't stop you. Would I if i could? Is it for the greater good? -Indigo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndigoListener Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 No, we're all very horny and deprived. Different thing. Hahaha so true! Happy Valentine's day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FilipeDumas Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 This should sound something like Marilyn Manson's The Beautiful People (Antichrist Superstar, 1996), with a more ambiental texture, if put into a song. The Trap The pretty boxes out there are calling us, Their colours and lights want to eat us And we’re flying like stupid culicidaes Like if there were no other ways. We cut off our hands and they can reach us, They know how to take our brains from us And we suicide like horny spiders. Who’s the martyr here anyway? Filipe Dumas, 10 de Fevereiro de 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carlo von Sexron Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I don't claim to be a poet, however i do write some stuff every now and again... I don't usually write things that rhyme... Sometimes a bit of Haiku...Anyway i wrote this and it seems to rhyme... And i like it... So i thought i would share it... Her. Everyday she sits Under the willow tree Through narrowed slits I want her just for me This strange floating thing Oblivious to my stare She begins to sing Sunlight glitters on her hair A tortured tear Slides down my cheek Nothing but fear I cannot Speak For this delicate creature Shall never even know I love her every feature Like moonlight on the snow A feeling such as this I dare not deign describe A pure slice of bliss Now my heart does writhe What is this small hope Of which i grab hold Her head turns toward me With eyes of pure gold ...Yep thats it... I guess we all want things we can't have... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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