New Born Lee Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I don't claim to be a poet, however i do write some stuff every now and again... I don't usually write things that rhyme... Sometimes a bit of Haiku...Anyway i wrote this and it seems to rhyme... And i like it... So i thought i would share it... Her. Everyday she sits Under the willow tree Through narrowed slits I want her just for me This strange floating thing Oblivious to my stare She begins to sing Sunlight glitters on her hair A tortured tear Slides down my cheek Nothing but fear I cannot Speak For this delicate creature Shall never even know I love her every feature Like moonlight on the snow A feeling such as this I dare not deign describe A pure slice of bliss Now my heart does writhe What is this small hope Of which i grab hold Her head turns toward me With eyes of pure gold ...Yep thats it... I guess we all want things we can't have... The rhythm is off in some places I think, but otherwise, I find that poem lovely. Angelic. Full of feelings I'm used to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spiritmuse Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Eh, I just posted this in the 'Top of my head' category, but it's more of a compilations of things I thought and wrote down throughout the day. It wasn't half-assed anyway. Me, The Werewolf Eyes falling out of a werewolf's head, His werewolf friends often say he's half-dead, He squints at the light of each new day, And as love approaches he walks away. Coward, he chastes, coward and fool! Inside he howls because life is so cruel! The mighty werewolf, once so immune, Goes for a mope, alone in his tomb. He has but one thought that he cannot heave, Why did he fall for a simple young Eve? A humble young wolf should be happy and proud, But now the tomb's silence is ever so loud. Red-eyed he is, and sore-eyed he feels, Not quite come over, he falls but just kneels. He prays and he prays, for the sickness to fly, Werewolves live on! Werewolves don't die! Lee Morrison, November 26 2008 Filipe, I like your first one best. This is just my interpretation, but it seems to me like it's about a baby in a mother's womb...the baby feels it's mother doesn't care about it(like the common belief that babies can feel trauma and feelings occuring outside the womb)? Or perhaps the mother is taking drugs or alcohol while pregnant...that's how I see it anyway. I really loved this one. It was beautiful and inspiring Keep up the good work.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FilipeDumas Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 Shattered across the landscapes of my life, My face crawls somewhere in the labyrinth That walls the happiness from flowing. Do these graveyards that hate their dead Save the world from salvation? Broken across the fields of hollowgrams Lay the thousands of pieces of my face. I bathe in the emptiness beyond, Crumbling the lies and truths invented here, To find the confusion of this reality. A whirl of emotions, a hurricane of thoughts, A dæmon in my conscience, an angel in my bed, A man in my head, a seed in my heart, A muse in my eyes, a leader in my hands, Earth quaking. Mind quaking. This awakening. Pleaaaase critisize me! Tear my morale apart. It will only do me good. Don't forgive any mistakes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest QueenOfNerds Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I don't claim to be a poet, however i do write some stuff every now and again... I don't usually write things that rhyme... Sometimes a bit of Haiku...Anyway i wrote this and it seems to rhyme... And i like it... So i thought i would share it... Her. Everyday she sits Under the willow tree Through narrowed slits I want her just for me This strange floating thing Oblivious to my stare She begins to sing Sunlight glitters on her hair A tortured tear Slides down my cheek Nothing but fear I cannot Speak For this delicate creature Shall never even know I love her every feature Like moonlight on the snow A feeling such as this I dare not deign describe A pure slice of bliss Now my heart does writhe What is this small hope Of which i grab hold Her head turns toward me With eyes of pure gold ...Yep thats it... I guess we all want things we can't have... I like it a lot, love your sig aswell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndigoListener Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 -Forbidden Fruit- Twinkling and moist in the early moonlight I pluck the fruit and hold its recently sun- kissed warmth to my cheek. I bring it close pressing my lips to smooth, firm skin. Teeth puncture flesh. I close my eyes and bite. Relish the moment. Inhale. Swallow. Exhale. This one is about a vampire feeding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndigoListener Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 -Orphan- Abandoned here, I'm different from you. I can feel what you feel. It's not pretty. It is... Beautiful and terrible. A star child in the midst of earth people is a terrifying life. Always just left of center But normal enough. Normal enough to pass, Unless I speak my mind. I'm a square peg, baby. A star child, an orphan among the homeless. Hot off the presses! Er... my mind that is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest QueenOfNerds Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 -Orphan- Abandoned here, I'm different from you. I can feel what you feel. It's not pretty. It is... Beautiful and terrible. A star child in the midst of earth people is a terrifying life. Always just left of center But normal enough. Normal enough to pass, Unless I speak my mind. I'm a square peg, baby. A star child, an orphan among the homeless. Hot off the presses! Er... my mind that is. I totally get this one, especially that part! ^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Born Lee Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 -Forbidden Fruit- Twinkling and moist in the early moonlight I pluck the fruit and hold its recently sun- kissed warmth to my cheek. I bring it close pressing my lips to smooth, firm skin. Teeth puncture flesh. I close my eyes and bite. Relish the moment. Inhale. Swallow. Exhale. This one is about a vampire feeding. I prefer this one of the two. Though before I little bit you added thought it was portraying Eve as malicious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Born Lee Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 I've just discovered this poem and I adore it. He Fumbles At Your Soul He fumbles at your Soul As Players at the Keys Before they drop full Music on -- He stuns you by degrees -- Prepares your brittle Nature For the Ethereal Blow By fainter Hammers -- further heard -- Then nearer -- Then so slow Your Breath has time to straighten -- Your Brain -- to bubble Cool -- Deals -- One -- imperial -- Thunderbolt -- That scalps your naked Soul -- When Winds take Forests in the Paws -- The Universe -- is still -- By Emily Dickinson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Born Lee Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Relapse (Swallowing Ink At A Gulp) Weak, sullen and deprived Reaching the shore, I'm sodden With sweat and the elements. But so blissfully distant! So blissfully emotionless! Sturdy and strong, at a guess... It strikes! The retreating figure so free, From her once soothing, ugly congestion. And the little she had swayed for me and made me sick. I was sick, and that wasn't good for me. I was sick, and that wasn't good for me. LM, March 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fmusic8825 Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 here's a few of mine. let me know what you think. Plastic Words The words don't mean Anything. They are Pointless. They mean nothing to The heart and the soul. Nothing more than mere plastic. They don't move the heart They don't help the world Or show the truth. There is nothing to show For them They are alone Boring Dull Soulless Heartless Brainless Plastic. Move forward Never look back, Keep moving forward. It's the way to go. Keep looking at the future, Never in the past. Because if we dwell on the past We just might find That the world that we knew Got left behind. If you keep looking back, Who know what you'll miss! A good friend A new love A first kiss. Don't lose yourself to the past. Don't dwell on what might have been Only what could be All you have to do is Move forward Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spyke Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Ok, so this was probably the first ever poem I wrote, I wrote it for English last year, constructive criticism would be apreciated. The Question My question hangs in the air Already I regret it, I wish now that I hadn’t asked. I brace myself for the soul-crushing “No” How can only 2 letters be so horrible? Your lips part, a single breath escapes your mouth Already my world is crashing ‘round me As you reply your mouth curls upward, I cannot believe it, you are laughing at me already! Your reply is soft, like a lover’s touch But it stuns me, like a boxers punch The single word you utter hits me like a truck Yet it causes no me no sense of pain. I feel a sense of relief wash over me, No longer do I regret the question. I realise now that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. How can only 3 letters be so wonderful? It's about the feeling of a shy person asking another person on a date or somesuch thing. Also, I figure this is the best place to ask the question, what are some good melancholic poets? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Born Lee Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Ugh, I was going to quote, but did you have to center every line individually? *face explodes with BBcode* I love your poem. I usually don't like poems set in a plain-english sort of way like this one, but the theme won me over. I was dubious when you started describing how a word could be so horrible..cliché, maybe...but the descriptions are simple and accurate which is often way better than flowery stuff, and I particularly admire the structure of the poem. And I can't really answer the question, since I'm only recently a real poetry enthusiast and I'm not up to knowing who poets are and reccomending them. I just really like Yeats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spyke Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Ugh, I was going to quote, but did you have to center every line individually? *face explodes with BBcode* I love your poem. I usually don't like poems set in a plain-english sort of way like this one, but the theme won me over. I was dubious when you started describing how a word could be so horrible..cliché, maybe...but the descriptions are simple and accurate which is often way better than flowery stuff, and I particularly admire the structure of the poem. And I can't really answer the question, since I'm only recently a real poetry enthusiast and I'm not up to knowing who poets are and reccomending them. I just really like Yeats. Sorry, I just copied it out of Word. Cheers for the good feedback I'll try to not include clichés in future work. By Plain-English do you mean the lack of rhyme or the sort of words I used? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Born Lee Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Sorry, I just copied it out of Word. Cheers for the good feedback I'll try to not include clichés in future work. By Plain-English do you mean the lack of rhyme or the sort of words I used? No no, I wasn't annoyed by the cliché because the poem made it good! You described the moment so well, I forgot about it, so write as many clichés as you want so long as they're that good! Plain English...I wasn't sure if it was the correct word to use. But the speaker is pretty much telling it like it is, not using any dramatic way to say it, just using similies and metaphors, its simple but very effective. For example: But it stuns me, like a boxers punch could have been more dramatic or exclamatory There, it stuns, like a boxer's punch! It stuns me cold like a boxer's punch. But your simple line works, it seems to communicate like the rest of the poem the speaker's youth or lack of experience. Not that I'm saying your vocab is weak, just that keeping it simple really worked for this poem. That's what I was trying to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spyke Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 No no, I wasn't annoyed by the cliché because the poem made it good! You described the moment so well, I forgot about it, so write as many clichés as you want so long as they're that good! Plain English...I wasn't sure if it was the correct word to use. But the speaker is pretty much telling it like it is, not using any dramatic way to say it, just using similies and metaphors, its simple but very effective. For example: But it stuns me, like a boxers punch could have been more dramatic or exclamatory There, it stuns, like a boxer's punch! It stuns me cold like a boxer's punch. But your simple line works, it seems to communicate like the rest of the poem the speaker's youth or lack of experience. Not that I'm saying your vocab is weak, just that keeping it simple really worked for this poem. That's what I was trying to say. Ah, I get what you mean Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thom yorke Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 something i wrote quite some time ago, so it might just be suckage. just some excessive wordplay, doesn't have any real meaning The void is filled with love and wait The dancing twirls of thought sedate Wandering images playfully pull The strings of consciousness And the world begins to slow and show Down the stream I’ll flow From whence? To where? I do not know Past the figure of an eight Past the lovely soul of mate At this I stop a while and stare For golden ribbons filled her hair I’ll miss her so, so young and fair I turn off and go, go to float Perhaps she could have told me where Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mona Posted May 2, 2009 Share Posted May 2, 2009 I write some.. not that elaborated or well written.. but they're just.. extracts from my mind heh. http://comptine.tumblr.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest QueenOfNerds Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Lee what has happened to your Avatar! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Born Lee Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Lee what has happened to your Avatar! It became aufsome, as opposed to . Or whatever. For the moment I'm lacking in poetry. Lost my muse...well, technically forcing myself not to write about my muse. Still. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
undercover_bombshell Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 If You See Me Falling If you see me falling Would you pick me up If I fail to be all I can be Would you stand by me What I did before is in the past I will turn a new leaf and make it last Under the moon I feel its bless Clensing this unintentional mess I feel I now can be all I can be For sakes alive my soul is free In all the world's exquisite charms My only haven is in your arms If you see me falling from above Catch me and bathe me in love ~~~~~~~ I'll throw another one on later.....bye! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Contrad!ction. Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Ok, so this was probably the first ever poem I wrote, I wrote it for English last year, constructive criticism would be apreciated. The Question My question hangs in the air Already I regret it, I wish now that I hadn’t asked. I brace myself for the soul-crushing “No” How can only 2 letters be so horrible? Your lips part, a single breath escapes your mouth Already my world is crashing ‘round me As you reply your mouth curls upward, I cannot believe it, you are laughing at me already! Your reply is soft, like a lover’s touch But it stuns me, like a boxers punch The single word you utter hits me like a truck Yet it causes no me no sense of pain. I feel a sense of relief wash over me, No longer do I regret the question. I realise now that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. How can only 3 letters be so wonderful? It's about the feeling of a shy person asking another person on a date or somesuch thing. Also, I figure this is the best place to ask the question, what are some good melancholic poets? I'm glad I use WYSIWYG! Wow. I love the atmosphere this creates, the way you manipulate the mind to work as opposed to saying "She said yes" Great stuff, my stuff is sucky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mona Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 If You See Me Falling If you see me falling Would you pick me up If I fail to be all I can be Would you stand by me What I did before is in the past I will turn a new leaf and make it last Under the moon I feel its bless Clensing this unintentional mess I feel I now can be all I can be For sakes alive my soul is free In all the world's exquisite charms My only haven is in your arms If you see me falling from above Catch me and bathe me in love ~~~~~~~ I'll throw another one on later.....bye! I really like it. Well done, it's beautiful! I post my poems on http://comptine.tumblr.com So go there, read, register and like, etc. Here's one that I've uploaded there: On the grass With every cloud that passes by I think that now’s the time to die With every bug getting into my hair, I say it wouldn’t be more than fair With every straw that tickles me, I wonder if this is what it is to be With every darker shade of blue, I feel the night is the only thing true With every star reaching my eye, I realise it’s not time to say goodbye With every bit of quiet in the city, I miss my loved ones, and never seeing them again would be a pity With every star that fades away, I know there must be a reason to stay, With every lighter shade of blue, I realise I need to stick too, With every bit of sound reaching my ears, I stand up, walk away, and wipe out my tears With every step closer to being dead, I need to live before preparing for what lies ahead With every bit of hope I can defend, I refuse to believe this is the end.. Yeah, hope you liked it. Doesn't flow too easily, but depends on how you read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Born Lee Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I really like it. Well done, it's beautiful! I post my poems on http://comptine.tumblr.com So go there, read, register and like, etc. Here's one that I've uploaded there: On the grass With every cloud that passes by I think that now’s the time to die With every bug getting into my hair, I say it wouldn’t be more than fair With every straw that tickles me, I wonder if this is what it is to be With every darker shade of blue, I feel the night is the only thing true With every star reaching my eye, I realise it’s not time to say goodbye With every bit of quiet in the city, I miss my loved ones, and never seeing them again would be a pity With every star that fades away, I know there must be a reason to stay, With every lighter shade of blue, I realise I need to stick too, With every bit of sound reaching my ears, I stand up, walk away, and wipe out my tears With every step closer to being dead, I need to live before preparing for what lies ahead With every bit of hope I can defend, I refuse to believe this is the end.. Yeah, hope you liked it. Doesn't flow too easily, but depends on how you read it. I like the simplicity and loose structure. It brings across the relaxed, introspective, dreamy feeling of lying on the grass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vesper Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 Can't believe I've never posted in here. I used to write poetry all the time. I should get back on it. My most recent is probably two years old. Explosions Too good to care make your plans and keep them Destroy the thought of freedom A push, a shove, ignored Let the flame of fear ignite. Watch it explode begin to implode the whole of itself exhumed Feel it erode A soul on its own In a plan of destruction sold. Scratch out the truth rewrite the words continue to spread a sense of fear A fear that controls the minds of the naive. Scramble our thoughts you're too blind to see the devastation and shame you have put on our lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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