Sometimes he's home at a decent time - like tonight he's already back, but that kinda means we have to put up with him bitching and swearing about his employees for the first half an hour until he gets it out of system. I thought i had a short temper. That man is mental sometimes! I tell him off, but that just makes it worse. It really doesn't help either that me and my brothers are hiding around the nearest corner sniggering at it all! He has no idea how funny he looks and sounds when he gets a bee in his bonnet about something!

I know. The lyrics of some songs... they absolutely touch my soul. I couldn't imagine my life if i hadn't discovered rock music - especially Muse. I need music to live... i just can't be without it. I can't, i can't, i can't... I sound demented, but really that's how i feel about it. I get panicked at simply the thought of someone taking music away from me. If i was left with rap, r'n'b and dance, i'd still die. I couldn't live like that... i couldn't... If i had Wicked, Les Miserables and some old pop tunes from 2001 or something i think i'd survive, but barely. Deep breaths. They can't take that away from us.

Good. I'm here to help! The Daughter of the Devil is on your side, my friend! lol lol lol

Yeah, i guess so. My mum always thinks it's me being pathetic or just irritating when i say painkillers don't work. Well they don't - it's not my fault.

I thought it might be that. Or at least, that's what sprung to mind when you said it. I can't bear it. I have such a short temper, but that doesn't mean i like it. I hate myself for that. I hate that i snap sometimes and look, not only like a nutter, but like a horrid person too. I'm not that inside. I know that, but it doesn't change the fact that i'm so... volatile. It's not right on a small scale like that, but it is pretty harmless. It's when world leaders think it's okay to lose their tempers and then make rash decisions that leave people dead. That's when i get annoyed. And sad. It makes me sad that these people can't see how important they are, and that they aren't mature enough to realise that the decisions they make on a whim could affect everyone. And just look. Look at the sky. From my bedroom window i can see into croydon and nearly to the edge of london (i have one kick-arse view!!) and the sky goes this frightening purple-black colour over croydon and london whenever the weather is hot enough and the sky is clear enough to see it. Makes my skin creep.

Now what's that supposed to mean?! I'm not with you! (i'm not always the most intuitive person - so shoot me)

Thanks! I really hope so! I'm considering psycology as a very last option. Very, very last option though. I will not turn to literature until i have tried every way possible to get into the music industry. I like writing. It comes with reading tonnes i guess. I'm gunna steal a wad of cash off dad and go to waterstones tomorrow. I'm running out of books! :O

That's alright. I know how THAT feels at least. I want to scream and shout, but snooze and rest at the same time. I'm so tired i can't move, but in my mind i'm still on full power and teeming with energy that i can't use because i'm so knackered. It's really frustrating! I couldn't sleep last night because my mind was fighting my tired body so hard. Instead i focused that energy on working out the hysteria riff. Worked as well, although i think i need to translate it to an octave up.

I never speak properly. I write the way i think - in full sentences! But when i talk it's usually mumbled four-word sentences! Unless i'm really passionate about a subject and then i'll talk the way i write now. Or if i'm really hyper i just talk to no end. My words spill in to one another. I stutter as well when i'm trying to get something out but my brain has left my mouth behind and it can't keep up! I'm someone of many personalities. I wouldn't say they're all acts - more that they're all actually me. Changeable. And seriously crabby when i'm tired! lol