Hey Alyssa

Thank you

Well, I won't go into detail, but the man -who my psychologists say isn't real- who made me attempt suicide last year, is back. I can barely move. Each sentence takes about a minute to type. I can see him, hear him and feel him. He possess people, animals and myself. I'm so scared. I think I'm going to try and kill myself for the second time this week.

You can always talk to me!

Sardinia

Cheers

My crush? Yeah We're becoming really good friends and I think he might like me, and HE TOUCHED MY FACE. It wasn't a "seductive stroke", just him acting out what he did earlier, when slapping someone, but it look so worried when he slow-mo slapped me, because he was touching my face

THATS SO COOL! You get to see the OoS gig aswell then!

Good luck! How are they going? I've only got small ones after half term

I've been... me. A little bit insane, but thats just me I walk around like I'm drunk, sometimes no shoes, I lie down in the middle of the street, stand staring up at the sky for 10 minutes on a busy street, compulsive touching, I'm losing my words, my mind is going crazy, I keep having small hallucinations and my words are random and often strange facts about death, or questions like "If there are 6 bears and each bear eats two cats, how many cats will there be left after all the bears die if there are 103 cats to start with?" and similar.

But, my school brought in my parents because they were doing nothing, so now they're all paranoid, but I'm seeing the doctor on monday and going to this place (http://www.swlstg-tr.nhs.uk/ - a mental health place) on thursday

How are you?

Hey

It was lovely thanks my legs are still tanned!

Thanks good

Not much really, just lots of screen shots from Dracula, 1931 School and music, really And yourself?

Yeah, it was cool

Aww thanks!

Thanks for not being prejudiced People on this site are generally quite understanding, but other websites just say "12? GTFO."

X

Hey Sorry for the late reply from the mental health thread, I only just got back from holiday.

I survived and didn't gain too much weight!

Thanks for being so nice to me, I hope that you get better soon oh, and I'm here if you want to vent (most people don't like to ask for advice from a 12 year old, so I don't really offer it, but I'm happy to do it anyway!)

Rosy x

Hey Sorry for the late reply I was away in Sardinia!

Meh, I've been better...

How are you?

Don't worry! I'm going on holiday for a week!

I do it less, but I still do it.

I don't pay as much attention to the moon anymore, but I'm still suicidal and my eating disorder has gotten so much worse. I've been diagnosed with anorexia and body dismorphia I do 3/4 runs a week now and eat much less. I do lots of exercise too...

I still like him, but he's nicer to me now

I can't wait You can still get tickets!

Its okay, just a bit lonely, thats all.

How are the exams going?

Yeah, I hope so! Xx

Hey

I'm alright thanks

And yourself?

Don't worry

Haha! Yeah, #fuckyeahspring

Ouch! Still? Poor you!

Well, this is our convo:

Yeah, so I made up some little lies!

Anyway, now we always flirt and get along really well It looks like it's going places

I've been really suicidal, the self harm is 10X worse, feeling insane, diagnosed with anorexia and distorted body image, my parents were told by the school but continue to do NOTHING -they don't even talk about it, which Ian said is extremely unusual-, eating disorder has gotten a lot worse, getting into satanism and very interested in the subconscious and meditation. A lot has happened, and everything has gotten really bad

How are you?

Oh, and there are scary figures in my head....

Don't worry

I was too dumb

I know... I'm going to quit after this pack

So Venice, I did gain weight, but I've lost it again. I've become so suicidal that my counsellor had to have a meeting with my parents, but they didn't seem to care at all. But the self harm has gotten a lot worse And so has my eating. I hate everything about myself so much more and I'm really scared because everything is my fault, I have to listen to music, just so that I can't hear them; I'm getting really obsessed with the moon and astrophysics again, so I now sleep on the floor so that I can watch the moon as I fall asleep. It's all gotten really crap and I keep on almost killing myself with the many many boxes of aspirin I've hidden in my room. The guy I like treats me like shit and I feel so hated

But on the bright side, my dad is taking me to Reading I know that I'm going with my dad, but fuck it. All those late teens who think that they're so much better than me can fuck off; because they don't know me, and my dad will let me get drunk

How's school?

Hey

I'm really not! Cheers, though

Thanks I hope it will

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Hey

I'm Rosy Thanks for the add!

Aww hunneh :'(

At least it's over now

Yeah

Poor you

Thanks

Poor you!

Its the cold and my bad circulation. My disease is weird!

You're always so sick

I'm being a spy to my crush. He doesn't know. He's being really weird, saying he's bisexual, watching Latvian, lesbian porn and touching up my male friend! I'm going to investigate. My male friend (Gabriel) is giving me advice on Kit, but I know that Gabriel likes me, but I REALLY don't like him except as a friend, so I feel like I'm tricking him, because I do like Kit, and I keep saying to Gabriel that I hate Kit!

Kit was really weird to me... I was walking home, he was 10 metres ahead of me. I called his name TONS of times, but he just kept walking (it was dark), then this boy who goes to our drama nudged Kit. Kit just shouted "hey", then blanked me. He kept talking to the boy, who didn't go down his own road, editing his own journey home for Kit. They stood together for ages talking. I started smoking. The other boy left Kit. Kit kept walking home, near me, but on the other side of the street, 15 metres away. I was getting a MASSIVE head rush from the cigarette, so I stopped walking and lay back into a hedge, fumbling in my bag for gum, obviously VERY dizzy. He looked back and saw this before walking on, home.

I'm going to find out if he likes me and all his secrets. Flirting and knowing some of his secrets is a flying start. I've already emailed him this:

Hey,

Are you feeling alright? You seemed... different today. Not just to me, but generally acting different to everyone.

Take care of yourself mate.

Then when he says "yeah, I'm fine.", I'll say "You sure? You can tell me anything, seriously. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I've seen a lot, and been through EVERYTHING. More than you can imagine. From extreme family problems to confused sexuality. Seriously, I'm here for advice."

I'm hoping that the bit about sexuality will draw him in. Or I'll make sure that I find out at drama!

Actually, it just started working! Thanks though!

Hey Sorry for the REALLY late reply, my writerscafe.org account never loads anymore Can we continue our convo on here instead?

Don't worry, mines late too!

I used to collect Yu-Gi-Oh! cards, but I wasn't allowed to play, so I just bought them for my brother and sister!

I know... Today, I got "high" off it. I was surprised, I was really dizzy. But While I was "high", I looked at myself and thought "Why are you cutting? Look how bad the cuts and scars look. You aren't fat, you're thin and your skin isn't that bad. You're beautiful." But as soon as the "high" wore off, so did the attitude. Here I am again, having to hold myself back from becoming bulimic.

Ha! Nah, I'm fine now

Pretty crap. I think that while I'm away in Venice, I'll become bulimic Because I can't excessively exercise or not eat while we're away, and I won't be able to bear my stomach... Tomorrow, I'm doing lots of exercise. I'm going to go for a long run and walk my dog. Maybe do aerobics and cycle too. I'll probably buy some fitness gear too. I think that because my mere 80 sit ups a night is stopping me from losing a lot of weight, so I'm going to lose a lot from now on, or after the holidays, when I can go back to non-eating.

I'm also getting a bit "emo". This time last year, I never left my room, I just lay, thinking about death. Welcoming it. I used to be able to feel dead. I wouldn't talk to anyone and I never moved once I had gotten home. I'm becoming a bit like that again :/

How are you, hunneh?

Awwww For us, it was Valentines day

I know, we shouldn't judge if we don't know them

That's so cool!

Haha! Sounds like a good film

I know, it was a mistake

Ouch! I feel sorry for you Really really really cold = evil! I can't handle -1! Let alone -25!

How are the tests going?

Yup! Mine go light blue, light purple, bright red, yellow and white Yaaay I get it in my hands and toes, except no one else in my family has is

Why?

Yay! Alcohol! I can still taste and smell the puke! And my stomach still hurts, but no proper hangover!

Hey Pretty crap, as usual Yeah! No Valentine, but I'm hoping that maybe someone will ask me tomorrow

Haha! Yeah, lets get even MORE illegal!

Aww Cheers You're too!

This is the big drama at the moment:

Okay, so last night was my sisters birthday party. I had: a beer, a smirnoff ice, two glasses of bucks fizz, half a bottle of red wine, a quarter of a bottle of white wine and about 4 shots. I got really really drunk, I couldn't eat, I was talking absolute nonsense, dancing like a lunatic, falling all over the place, crawling about. And then, the main stuff: I pulled my sisters drunk friend (my drinking pal!) off the toilet so that I could pee (which I'm normally VERY shy about) and the after I had peed, I was pulling up my trousers shouting "DON'T LOOK AT MY VAGINA!" at about 3 drunk 16 year olds and one sober, autistic 17 year old. One of the girls who was slightly drunk saw all the cuts on my side and started asking me about them, and my drunk self was like "My hips are fine, my hips are fine. There's nothing wrong with my hips or back, what are you talking about? No, you don't need to see my hips, because it's near my VAAAAGGGIIIIINNAA!" and shit. But she ran upstairs and told my sister who started crying because everyone she knew was depressed, I started crying about how amazing she was, and that she didn't realise it and how much everyone loved her. Then everyone was asking me about the cuts and I was like "what cuts?".

Then, after being forced to eat cake by my Mum later on, I threw up 8 times and fell asleep on my bed.

The dress is a dark blue with flowers, and is really tight! I got a skirt, some jeans, some leggings and two jumpers! Because I recently had a clear out of my clothes

I mean she is a complete and utter bitch most days, but sometimes she's caring, reasonable and kind. Well, about one day a month.

Aww hunneh Are you any better now? Maybe you should go to the doctors?

What is The Ring about?

Okay, so last night was my sisters birthday party. I had: a beer, a smirnoff ice, two glasses of bucks fizz, half a bottle of red wine, a quarter of a bottle of white wine and about 4 shots. I got really really drunk, I couldn't eat, I was talking absolute nonsense, dancing like a lunatic, falling all over the place, crawling about. And then, the main stuff: I pulled my sisters drunk friend (my drinking pal!) off the toilet so that I could pee (which I'm normally VERY shy about) and the after I had peed, I was pulling up my trousers shouting "DON'T LOOK AT MY VAGINA!" at about 3 drunk 16 year olds and one sober, autistic 17 year old. One of the girls who was slightly drunk saw all the cuts on my side and started asking me about them, and my drunk self was like "My hips are fine, my hips are fine. There's nothing wrong with my hips or back, what are you talking about? No, you don't need to see my hips, because it's near my VAAAAGGGIIIIINNAA!" and shit. But she ran upstairs and told my sister who started crying because everyone she knew was depressed, I started crying about how amazing she was, and that she didn't realise it and how much everyone loved her. Then everyone was asking me about the cuts and I was like "what cuts?".

Then, after being forced to eat cake by my Mum later on, I threw up 8 times and fell asleep on my bed.

I've written a few things that I'm quite proud of

Don't worry! Mines even later!

And they were immense shows!

It's for a good cause though...

Well, I'm a bit crap, here's a summary of what happened saturday night:

Okay, so last night was my sisters birthday party. I had: a beer, a smirnoff ice, two glasses of bucks fizz, half a bottle of red wine, a quarter of a bottle of white wine and about 4 shots. I got really really drunk, I couldn't eat, I was talking absolute nonsense, dancing like a lunatic, falling all over the place, crawling about. And then, the main stuff: I pulled my sisters drunk friend (my drinking pal!) off the toilet so that I could pee (which I'm normally VERY shy about) and the after I had peed, I was pulling up my trousers shouting "DON'T LOOK AT MY VAGINA!" at about 3 drunk 16 year olds and one sober, autistic 17 year old. One of the girls who was slightly drunk saw all the cuts on my side and started asking me about them, and my drunk self was like "My hips are fine, my hips are fine. There's nothing wrong with my hips or back, what are you talking about? No, you don't need to see my hips, because it's near my VAAAAGGGIIIIINNAA!" and shit. But she ran upstairs and told my sister who started crying because everyone she knew was depressed, I started crying about how amazing she was, and that she didn't realise it and how much everyone loved her. Then everyone was asking me about the cuts and I was like "what cuts?".

Then, after being forced to eat cake by my Mum later on, I threw up 8 times and fell asleep on my bed.

Haven't got the camera I guess I can live without it for a while

But I bought myself a reeaaallly nice dress on sale, which I've always loved! It was under half price!

Then my mum randomly gave me all these AWESOME clothes Sometimes she can be nice

Things are the same really You?

Are you better now? I hope so!

I love it when Muse goes on the radio! Always makes me smile, thinking "fuck yeah!"

I posted it when I was really scared, but I worded it badly, so it sounded like she wasn't a friend, when she was.

Tobacco! Don't worry, I'm not on drugs!

I hope everything gets better soon