Whoa, that's a whole lotta shit.

I can't just pretend it's not to make you feel better, coz that'd be a lie. You're not faking anything.

I can't suggest anything - i don't know from experience how you're feeling - but just hold on and get help. I had a friend who nearly threw herself under a bus. She wrote the suicide note and everything but my friends and i persuaded her not to die. I hadn't even noticed anything was wrong until then. But she's... changeable. A strange girl, but not weird, not like unordinary. In winter i get affected by the bad stuff because (a) winter gets me down - majorly - and (b) i have exams and rehearsals then and both sides hate me. My teachers hate me for not turning up to lessons and going to rehearsals instead and my music teachers hate me when i can't turn up to their rehearsals and i hate me for not being able to keep up on school work. It's a dark place and i dread winter, but it's nowhere near as dark as where you are now.

Just try to get some help. I know it sounds corny; but try opening up old wounds (for fuck's sake not literally) and taking a look at why you're so depressed. Really really really look. Get someone to go through it all for you. Not your parents - parents are blind - someone else that you can trust absolutely.

Oh and if you don't become a multi-millionaire rock star, become a writer!