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So... a few (20) years back.

I was a tone deaf, truly awful singer, with a mental health condition that caused delusions of grandeur. Tough break, I suppose. One of the triggers for the onset of this condition was Origin of Symmetry.

I was already a big Muse fan, then one fateful night I dropped over 30 pills. Never quite came back.

For over a year I struggled, then eventually popped. I was listening to Origin, and my state of mind was not good. I began to believe that Muse (specifically Matt Bellamy) had written Origin to encourage peeps to sing. I felt that the album was aimed at people who couldn't sing, but were... plagued by the knowledge that art was being undermined by capitalist forces. Matt was searching for people like him (blah, blah, yeah I know, I was nuts), in that he wanted people who felt like he did when he discovered he could sing... To make the same imaginative leap that he did.  It is worth pointing out that I was into writing, then as now and have a relationship with music, as a listener. Music has buoyed me through some dark times, because music for me is like a support network. Anything ever felt by anyone at any point has an echo in some recording, somewhere. Then, as now, I'm fascinated by this feature.

I considered that if Matt had discovered his vocal abilities later in life than (normal), it must be possible for me to sing. Sadly, the condition of my narcotic addled mind launched me into a manic belief that I could immediately sing. That I rocked.  I had no musical training.

So fast forward 10 years from this point. I've gone to mental hospital. Come out. Been correctly told I couldn't sing. I eventually go to uni, to study Sociology and History, and learn about social construction. I also learn about a culture of beautiful singers during the enslavement of Africa, and that the idea of intrinsic talent is highly problematic, from the perspective of social construction. There is a wealth of phenomena world-wide that supports that social construction theory is at least partly accurate (and potentially absolutely. I also in my infinite wisdom chose to come off my tablets.

10 years later, I'm well again and wiser for that experience. I also became interested in practicing my singing again, with little regard for the opinions of my friends and family in this. Fact is, in an industrial society (I reasoned) we may have forgotten that singing as an art form is a skill, not a talent.

This is how I'm sounding now:

If I'm right, I think Matt Bellamy did undergo a tumultous time, centered around him trying to convince his loved ones that he could sing, that it was possible for him to develop his voice, when he had shown no real gift for it before then. I wonder how quickly a child prodigy on instruments might intuitively make the progress which took me a good 7 years... Although I've probably peaked without getting actual lessons, and I'm obviously nowhere near the level of a professional, never mind his level. I suppose the good thing about my experience is that I came through it, and realised that I didn't need to lead my life letting other people make my choices (which conversely stopped me making all the wrong ones). I'm now working on a book, and hope to finish the bloody thing this year.

 

 

 

need your love so bad.wav

imagine.wav

Edited by paranoiawilldestroy
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  • 2 months later...
Posted (edited)

Think I've cracked recording a bit better. This started out as a training excercise, but I ended up quite liking it... I've also included a Muse cover. And then removed it, cos it was rotten. But I might record a new one, soon. Possibly Showbiz.

 

To be honest, the reason I originally posted the Plug in Baby effort was... it's kinda in the spirit of the post. Fuck it. It's bang not something I'll ever be able to sing (I don't have a soprano, never mind a falsetto). Neither did I have a tenor when I started either though.

 

Part of the situation when I first started was... nobody thought it was possible for someone to learn to sing. I did, but I was alone in that belief. I taught myself admist fierce opposition.

Wouldn't really recommend that particular voyage though. Guess if you love something, you just can't leave it behind...

It's a bit like why a good looking girl can't wear a tight top/ short skirt. Male demand will make her uncomfortable. Female supply is not at fault. If you need any evidence why are there so many dick men? I knew something, because I'm different from the people I'm around, I'm imaginative. In this, I knew best. Pretty lonely existence, asking questions though, if you ask me. Wish I could go back to getting high...

 

I wrote this, it's one of the poems about being a poet, aka having an imagination when others don't. I shouldn't post it, I'll just have to rewrite when I try and sell the book. But I've already published it on the Jim Morrison FB page, so I'll have to write something else, anyway. I'm drunk, but here it is. Means a bit more, something you've made, than just exhibiting what you've managed to garner about singing...

Urban Jungle

I stumble through toxic roots, rotten shoots,

Sunlight shall not shine on curious fruit,

These contorted trees, twisted travesties,

Sow only disaster and apathy.

 

Beware the oozing spines amongst the vines,

Ferocious boars and squealing, angry swine,

Sidling spiders and pouncing, fierce tigers,

Forever stalking the careless outsider.

 

Those pandering parrots, furtive ferrets,

And malcontent monkeys hold no merit,

Their impolitic ploys destroy my joy,

A tempest, a deluge, I drown in their noise.

 

 

You can have a Radiohead cover tho

Dave Roe - lucky.m4a

 

Dave Roe - showbiz mkII.m4a

Edited by paranoiawilldestroy
stick a poem in, why not?
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  • 2 months later...
  • 1 month later...

let it be export.wavOne more thing... if I hadn't had music to retreat to, to be able to listen to the voices of other imaginative voices to guide me through the working class wilderness, I'd definitely be dead. So thanks to Muse, and The Doors, and everyone really. Keep the spirit alive. Food for the soul.

 

Edited by paranoiawilldestroy
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