Hector! how have you been???

i suppose it is, but to be honest, i'm quite a shit driver as well... but this guy was just out of line! nearly cost me an arm and a leg.

god, i know she is. she kills me, she's way too smart for me. and i wish we could! but we live half an hour away from another, so it's a bit difficult. but we do take advantage of the time we have together!

whaaaaaat?? extra in a student film AND london?!?! TELL ME MORE.

yikes! although isn't californian traffic always bumper to bumper? and ugh, I hate people who can't drive. it's not that hard to signal, jeez.

she's definitely a smart woman! keeping you on your toes, ingenious. do you guys hang out daily?

and the life of dani is pretty swell, I guess. kind of uneventful. I'm so stoked for March to get here, though. I'm extra-ing in a student film and going to London

i was just in a two-lane street that was crowded with cars. literally bumper to bumper. and i had to merge into the right lane. so as i do, it's going okay as i slip into the very minimal space provided for my car. then, the car in front of me decides to immediately stop and turn right without turning their signal on, as i'm going about forty behind them. that was a frightening moment! but she was not in the car, no. i just thought of her. and by the way, we were talking last night, and this was said (concerning my jealousy)

K: "ugh. if you're going to roam the world with me you must learn to translate that jealousy into passion for the bedroom. just saying."

Me: "you have to give me a chance first."

K: "i will. not now, though. you know that."

so yeah, this whole waiting thing is really killing me. ANYWAY. enough about me! what's the life of dani like?

oh dear! what happened?? was she actually in the car with you during the almost-crash?

that's really lovely. a little scary, of course, but lovely at the same time. I honestly think you two will be those cute couples who end up staying together forever and ever and grow old and eat at the diner every Tuesday.

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whatever you say, dani!

yeah, i guess i do actually think like this. and by the way, just about thirty minutes ago i almost got into a huge car accident, and everything slowed down and all i could think of was K. like, i'm in the driver seat, my car is about an inch away from crashing into the car in front of me, and i slammed the brakes, and time slowed and i just saw K smiling, and i felt really happy and warm, and then i heard screeching and i came back to reality. that was weird. and my memory of us on my birthday was seven months ago, july 9th, right before one in the afternoon.

just stop talking. right now. just ugh. you're too modest to see you're modest. that's modesty, you twit

it really is! when you two are married and old and crap, you need to write it in a novel and sell billions. that would be so cute, I would die.

oh man, oh man. you read about it in books, but I never actually thought people thought like that. that's truly beautiful, the fact you remember what she wore and staring at her happiness. how long ago was that?

no! i really didn't. when i turned that one into my advisor, she said she gets tired of telling me how great my writing is. and i had people come up to me saying things you're saying, that they pissed themselves laughing. and i sincerely do not see it. it's not even modesty! i just don't see it.

i feel like all this pain i've felt, this entire ordeal, sure it hurts. and i'm willing to suffer for eternity for her, but damn. this is going to be a great story, isn't it? and she is, she's the smartest person i know. she's in IB and she got straight a's. that's just ridiculous. and i do. i had strong, strong feelings for her the entire time i knew her. but it was on my birthday, when it was just us. she took me to this burger place that uses waffles as buns. really, REALLY good. we finish eating and we start driving again, and the middle by jimmy eat world comes on. and we both just start belting the lyrics at the top of our lungs. and i stop and look over at her, and i see the happiness in her. i see how beautiful she is and i couldn't stop looking. and it was at that point i realized i truly loved her. i remember it exactly. she wore dreamcather earrings, a rolling stones t-shirt, jean shorts, and converse shoes. her eyes shined exceptionally bright that day and her hair fell to the middle of her back. that's my fondest memory of her.

Ugh, you are too modest. Did you read your review? Did you not almost piss yourself laughing?

your story is so beautiful. (not that individual one, but your journey with her is so lovely)

mm, I like this girl. she seems smart. never having been in love myself, I can't even imagine what it's like. when did you know you loved her?

eh, i don't really think so. but you're too kind for saying so regardless!

basically she and i had a really great time. then, we get back to my house and i stall in her car for awhile, and finally ask, “so, when you held my hand the other night, was that just to make me feel better?”

“yeah, it was.”

thirty minutes later, this is our text conversation.

her: “you know why i said that, right?”

me: “said what?”

her: “that it was just, making you feel better”

me: “why did you say that?”

her: “it’s not easy. i know you know that. i grabbed your hand, but i know i shouldn’t have. it wasn’t to make you feel better. but if i get into anything with you, it’s only going to end up screwing you over. i’m not meant for things like this. i’m too much of a wreck. especially now. all i can see is me hurting you, like i hurt everyone.”

me: “all the pain i’ve felt already? that’s all completely worth this, just being able to talk to you, let alone hang out with you. being with you is beyond my dreams. and i’m willing to deal with everything and anything to do it. i know you feel like you’ll screw me over, but i don’t care. i just want to be with you because i love you. if you grow tired of me and leave me, i will be hurt, of course. but i will never, hate you, i will never blame you, and i will never, ever stop loving you. the fact that i still have these feelings and continue to fight for you means i’m willing to deal with whatever comes.”

her: “i don’t want to see you get hurt. i’ve been in a relationship for over a year, i need a lot of time to figure things out. how am i supposed to know what i want when i haven’t seen anything at all? do you see what i mean? i’ll hurt you. i don’t want to ruin what we could have by doing this now. i’m 17. this isn’t the type of thing to be messing around with when you’re 17.”

me: “age doesn’t mean anything if the love is there. but okay, i understand what you’re saying, i do. just know this; i’ll wait for you forever.”

her: “i hope so.”

that was on monday. yesterday and today we hung out for a little while. she goes out of her way to see me, especially today. she drove me to where i get picked up. and tomorrow my mom's going to be late, so she's staying with me and we'll do homework together. i really don't know at this point. i know she's afraid she'll hurt me, but i don't care. i want her to hurt me. i want to be with her.

I could totally see that. your way with words is ahmazin!

I iz so happy for you. hmm eeenteresting! what did she say?

ha, i'm glad you liked it! my goal is to be a screenwriter, or a music journalist for npr. livin' the dream!

ah, jack is honestly an all right guy. but come on, man. K even told me she was trying to discourage him to spend time with me. but anyway yeah! yesterday was really great, i always love spending time with her. she's the one person i'm truly comfortable around, without a doubt. and i think she may have kind of hinted at us being in a relationship at some point?

:LOL::LOL: OH MY GOODNESS, THAT....wow. that's hilarious and amazing! holy garbage, you are perfect. I literally laughed out loud like a madwoman. you need to write for Spin or Q or something.

oh and She and Him

jack sounds like a complete ass. I'm happy K didn't continue to hang around him and came to find you. that's really sweet

and ooolala, sounds like a Valentine's date to me!

well here is my review of the justin bieber christmas album i did for our christmas issue. kids got a kick out of this one.

"What was meant to be Canadian-born Justin Bieber's fifteen minutes of fame has somehow evolved into over two years of over-publicized drama about haircuts, an episode in which Bieber claimed Americans don't know what “German” is and, yes, music to please young teenage girls on the rise of puberty. Infiltrating the media with his catchy choruses invoking infants with his popular hit “Baby,” Justin apparently decided he wasn't content contaminating minds with senseless lyrics, and has now targeted a pop star's cash cow: Christmas.

It seems Justin is trapped in a perpetual state of clichéd one-liners, opening his debut Christmas album, Under the Mistletoe with the lyric, “If you’re the only thing I ever get for Christmas, then everything I wished for has come true.” Never viewed as a prodigal Bob Dylan in terms of social or romantic expression, Bieber drops any shred of creativity along the wayside anyway and directs his attention to creating a radio-friendly hook. But hey, it’s all about the money, right? Which leads to Justin’s lead single off the album, Mistletoe, an explorative track of bare acoustic sound to expose his complacently exaggerated voice, straining every note in hopes of capturing the attention of corporate executives and “Beliebers” alike. Mistletoe proves disastrous as he whines his way through three minutes of indulgent bubblegum pop, with the most distressing part being his frequent use of the word, “shawty,” a staple in the lyricism of gangsta-rap group Wu-Tang Clan, a correlation unfitting of a seventeen-year-old boy from Ontario, Canada.

Yet, it wouldn’t be a proper Bieber bash without the star-studded guests to fill the voids of commercialized top-forty pop music. Taking an opportunity to dip his foot into the pool of Justin’s popularity before it dries up is Busta Rhymes, providing his signature fast-paced raps in the Christmas classic, “Little Drummer Boy.” But they’ve decided to drop the “little” and refer to it as “Drummer Boy,” as if that would eliminate any stereotypes of Bieber’s inability to reach puberty. The worst aspect of the song isn’t even the combination of Justin Bieber and Busta Rhymes, but Bieber’s attempt at writing lyrics. Justin initiates the flow of repulsive raps with, “It's crazy how some people say, say they don't care, when there's people on the street with no food; it's not fair.” Justin’s concern for the welfare of the less fortunate is overshadowed by his following rap, “Playin’ for the King, playin’ for the Title, I'm surprised you didn't hear this in the Bible.” Busta Rhymes assures Beiber doesn’t monopolize the wondrous worldplay, rapping “Sippin' eggnog with a little sprinkle of vanilla, even though it's kinda cold, pullin’ out a chinchilla.”

Whether you celebrate Christmas as the birth of Jesus Christ, the beginning of the winter solstice, or just a commercial holiday, we can all agree Justin Bieber's Under the Mistletoe ruins an otherwise joyous holiday with his overproduced vocals, vomit-inducing lyrics, and cringe-worthy guest spots. If you crave Christmas music with a sense of artistic integrity, She & Him’s A Very She & Him Christmas, Bright Eyes’ A Christmas Album, and Sufjan Stevens’ Songs for Christmas provide the cheery spirit of the holidays, and all three lack a Busta Rhymes cameo. It’s a win-win situation."

well, i'll tell you the whole story. there was a party last night that K was going to because i invited her. she gets there and i've already promised her a ride back in case she drinks a little (which she didn't). well, the entire time, there's this kid, we'll call him jack. jack has a crush on K and i basically spent the night fighting for K's attention because jack kept cockblocking me. the party ends, and K tells me jack is taking her home. that killed me, i wanted to cry. so my group and i go to denny's and K texts me asking if i'm going to our friend S's house (different S, not the one i was involved with). and we all were going anyway, and so K asks if i'll get her a shake from denny's. i get her the shake, we get to S's, i give her the shake and i kind of just ignore everyone and text my friend the whole time. i keep trying to get away from everyone, but K senses i'm upset and keeps asking me what's wrong. i tell her i'm fine. the couches are occupied so i find myself at a table with K and guess who decides to join us? yeah, fucking jack. jack keeps making jokes and K's laughing, and at this point i'm just so over it so i turn my back to them and just let them talk. and everyone else at the house is watching this kid play skyrim for his first time, he was high. i guess that's why everyone was getting a kick out of it. anyway, jack is all, "K, you look bored." and i'm just like, no shit jack (in my head). and jack asks her if she wants to go take a walk, and K says no, that skyrim looks interesting. so she shot him down because she didn't want to leave me. well i get up and find a bed to lay down on because i really don't want to be around anyone. about a minute later, K walks in and lays down next to me. we talk for a little bit, and then she says sorry. i ask what for, and she says everything. the entire last year and a half i suffered through and for telling me everything she did. i told her none of it was her fault, that i put myself through it all. she then takes my hand and holds it, rubbing her thumb across my hand as we both laid there. we just laid there in silence, holding each others hands. then we heard jack announce he was leaving, and that's K's ride. so she sits up on the bed and says bye, i say bye. she lingers for a little while longer just looking at me, then gets up and leaves.

tomorrow she comes over to my house and we're going to see the artist. so i'll see what happens then.